Recent content by Silas

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    Understanding Codependence and Independence

    Thanks for the welcome, sparklepop! And your valuable perspective. I am still processing a lot of what people have said here as well as my own feelings on the subject. Trying to see what resonates and what's useful. I find that it's most of it. It is a great support. I will take all I can get...
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    Understanding Codependence and Independence

    GalaGirl, Your response gives me great pause. And courage. I know that I must disentangle from this relationship. For a while, I was open to ideas about how to seek the space and freedom I've been needing from within the relationship but that just seems more and more unlikely to work. I want to...
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    Understanding Codependence and Independence

    Okay, so the problem is this: I do not trust myself not to be codependent with the person I have been with because I was for a year and pretended I wasn't. I am just realizing this now and it is scary. It feels like I may just delude myself again. That my pattern is too strong and the only way...
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    Understanding Codependence and Independence

    Lately, I have been pondering over some questions that are very big in my life. I would love to hear the thoughts of more experienced poly-folk. Please feel free to answer any or all. I am very grateful for any help you can offer. 1. How likely do you think it is for someone with an...
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    Monogamous by circumstance\Where do I go now?

    bookbug, You have reminded me of a very important truth about myself. It is something I have only begun to recognize in the past couple years. When I did, I posed it as valuing "Intentions vs. Expectations." I suffer from an overactive sense of failure, as many do, and I got tired of feeling...
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    Monogamous by circumstance\Where do I go now?

    GalaGirl, Are you a psychologist? You remind me of the therapist I saw for a few years. Your guidance is very helpful and kind. As you point out, I do have a history of not being very nice to myself internally. It is something I am aware of and trying to work on but you point it out when I...
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    Monogamous by circumstance\Where do I go now?

    Sigh…. I feel a little humbled after my last post. GG and NYC, you hit the nail on the head. It is true that I have been in an anxious state. I intentionally didn't edit what I was writing very much because I wanted whatever bullshit was coming out to be responded to. I had a sense that there...
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    Monogamous by circumstance\Where do I go now?

    You all make a good point. This isn't monogamy. I wouldn't have agreed to that. I will try to better explain what I mean. Having been in nothing but monogamous relationships before and knowing the inclination of most people out there, it feels all to easy to fall into the mindset that if, in...
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    Monogamous by circumstance\Where do I go now?

    Hello everyone, Approximately one year ago, I decided that I was polyamorous. I was dating someone at the time and it ended because of my choice. The chronicles of said relationship can be found here. After finding peace with my conviction, I moved on. I was not desperate to get into anything...
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    I have just chosen poly over a potential monogamous life mate. Whoa.

    I am finally sitting down to respond properly to this thread I started. I was delayed more than I would have liked because in the middle of all of my own issues my best friend was told by his wife that she wants a divorce after 7 years because there is someone else. They were doing great as far...
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    I have just chosen poly over a potential monogamous life mate. Whoa.

    I just want everyone to know that I have been reading your responses throughout my day and gaining strength and clarity from them. I have never been part of an online forum before but it is an amazing feeling to get such incredible support from so many people that haven't even met me. I think I...
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    I have just chosen poly over a potential monogamous life mate. Whoa.

    Thank you everyone for your advice and reassurance. Meera, your guy sounds awesome. A story like that is really inspiring as was your line about trusting your instincts. I very much feel it is important for me to trust myself these days. Marcus, it sounds like I am in the right place. I will...
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    I have just chosen poly over a potential monogamous life mate. Whoa.

    Hi. I am new here and new to poly. Wow, that sounds crazy to say. Well, new in that I am finally taking action. I have struggled with the monogamous approach to relationships my entire life. It has been a long road that in the past two years of self-searching and educating has led me to where I...
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