Recent content by Sisilisko

I hope you're well. Have read this very accurate description of why it's difficult to break up when the partner is not doing any one easily identifiable evil thing but rather there are lots of minor ones: https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/R3eDrDoX8LisKgGZe/sum-threshold-attacks I don't know...

Personal opinion: The most important part of this fragment are verses 8 and 9: One of the peculiarities of Jesus' s character is the impossibly hard moral standards, while simultaneously preaching God's love and forgiveness for the sinners. If I remember correctly, he'll also tell you that...

I think I enjoy reading books more than doom scrolling but my revealed preference is that I come to this forum and comment in the time that I could have spent reading a book. What I think I prefer is not the same as my revealed preference.

There's a simple rule to recognize whether something is just a joke: If it doesn't feel like one to you, it isn't one. Especially in this situation, when you have repeatedly indicated that these things don't feel like "just a joke" to you, yet she does them again. Also regarding the confusion...

I don't quite agree with her reasoning, but I think people considering transitioning from monogamy to polyamory should think about it:

I am a 42year old woman who's never watched any porn, has read very little of it, does not tend to flirt with people when she is already in a relationship, and does not really know what you mean by "eye candy"... of course I can recognize a handsome chap, but frankly I've always thought that the...

I'd suggest to first try things together with current partner rather than exploring non-monogamy. I'll share some ideas that I was happy with when I started more fully exploring my own sexuality (when I was much older than you are): - online materials: I've found Jayia's "Erotic Blueprints"...

Regarding your original question, how to make this least painful for everyone. You have to ask each involved person, listen attentively, and try your best to accommodate what you hear. There's no "one size fits all advice", because the very essence of ENM is breaking away from preset scripts...

You've already broken up with her because of her alcohol problems and because she told you what she told you in a manner clearly intended to hurt you (it doesn't really matter whether ir was true or not). If he told her he wants to marry her, you break up with him. On the other hand, if she...

Let me be the naysayer. Sometimes you avoid the most pain and create the most happiness when you accept that you're trying to solve an equation that does not have a solution. You're describing a situation in which there are four essentially monogamous people - monogamous in the sense that all...

I'll write down a few random thoughts and associations. I used to have lots of sexual phantasies and masturbation during my childhood and teen years, but my interest in sex always waned by the 2 year mark when in a relationship. By the end of my marriage (9 years together, 8 married), I have...

Your question seems to imply the kind of date during which you meet someone off-line for a first time after exchanging a few texts through a dating site. I am 42. I've gotten to know all except 1 of my past partners during community events, among friends, in school and on similar occasions...

That, in my opinion, falls under my type 1 (being clear about when not to start a relationship or to leave if it already started). I don't have any hesitations about the need for and healthiness of type 1 boundaries. My question is really only about type 2 (if - then) boundaries; I've edited the...

@Magdlyn You're right, the word assertiveness did not come to my mind but it better captures what I meant. (English is not my native language.) You describe boundary setting as a form of wall or fence. As a form of making sure I am not giving too much, or giving in, or being walked on like a...

I've recently realized that I tend to remain in unhealthy relationships much longer than needed. I suppose having clear boundaries would help with that. As I see it now, the word "boundary" applies to two somewhat separate concepts: 1) a boundary determining whether to stay in a relationship...