Recent content by snowmelt

I think her relationship with her FWB is satisfying a need she has that isn't being satisfied in her relationship with you. The one sided attitude (the wall she's putting up to you) is her way of preserving the connection with him that is satisfying that need. Try asking her if this is true. If...

Did she have this one sided attitude (I'll do things my way and you do things my way) before the two of you began getting involved with people outside the marriage?

You don't want to lose her. He doesn't want to lose her. She doesn't want to lose either of you, but doesn't know how to resolve this. It sounds to me like the primary reason each of you have for holding on to this relationship is the fear of losing it. Fear of anything is never a good...

Glad you came here to join the conversation. You are getting very good guidance. I'm going to add my own. You're making the assumption that because your dad had certain experiences with therapists and women, you will have those experiences too. Let go of that assumption. It's locking you into a...

Yes, that's exactly what I meant. Thanks, KC43, for helping to clarify.

I've read the entire thread. I'm going to summarize what I see going on without repeating what some very wise others have said very well. Simply put, you are in a toxic and abusive relationship with your husband. It's toxic and abusive because he presents himself as being interested in your...

Stop going to therapy. There's nothing wrong with you. The truth is, you're the only one who can figure out what works for you. My suggestion is to keep talking to your husband. I'm not suggesting you keep asking him "hey, can we be poly now?". I am suggesting get to know him on a deeper level...

You already know what to do. I think you're just looking for a little encouragement, which is a good thing to ask for. Tell Paul to let go of her. That will bring up issues. On the surface those issues will look like they are between Paul and this other girl. Those issues are actually between...

I read your post twice. I'll call your husband Steve, the other man Paul and his wife Sarah. You and Paul have a codependent relationship. Your emotions steer the relationship you have with Steve. Paul's emotions steer the relationship he has with Sarah. If the 4 of you formed a quad, the...

This will be my last reply. In this reply, I am talking to everyone who has participated in this thread so far: I stirred quite a few emotions when I wrote the words "core marriage issue". Emotions get stiirred when a core issue is pointed out. They don't get stirred when someone talks about an...

The place someone usually goes when they are not ready to look right at something and acknowledge it. I agree. Nothing. A core issue in the marriage. I don't understand this question.

The point you made here was very insightful. I pointed out a clear contradiction I see in his words. Contradictions point right to unresolved issues. I found one. In effect, I began to answer your question. Unresolved issues are made of pain. No one really wants to look at their pain. Looking at...

I pointed out two sentences, written in your own words, that directly contradict each other. Your repsonse is to defend yourself. That tells me I have discovered an unresolved core issue between you and your wife. You isolate yourself from her when you feel the need to. Poly brings to the...

These two statements directly contradict each other. If the first statement is true, the second cannot be true. Why would you not want to talk to your wife (your self proclaimed best friend that you want to be your one and only) about something? Do you think that not talking to your wife about...

I'm going to give you my own version of tough love. I'm going to give you the facts. The relationship you had with your wife before she told you she is poly is over - period. You cannot get that relationship back. Neither you nor your wife know where your relationship with each other is going...