Recent content by tigrrrlily

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    The Double Standard: Is it REALLY a double standard?

    Arf. Well the joke is on Sociopath coz if you're gonna insist on some kind of biological explanation ("men and women are just different" - as if there were only two simple biological sexes, let's not even begin to talk about gender and gendering) then the biological evidence suggests that the...
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    Why do things have to be so complex?

    "Trying to live according to the Golden Rule means trying to empathise with other people, including those who may be very different from us. Empathy is at the root of kindness, compassion, understanding and respect..." Yeah fair enough, as a very good guide for ethical and compassionate...
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    Why do things have to be so complex?

    I'm not sure i followed the original point correctly. However it seems to me that problem number one is that my personal emotional responses are no less intense and possibly confusing just because everyone else in the world has been through the same thing. It's still my own personal response...
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    'don't ask don't tell'?

    Thanks NYCyndie for some down-to-earth, non-judgemental practical advice. Neegola, this is one of the things that mystifies me regarding DADT - even if you're not telling you surely are telling in that your behaviour, demenour etc change?But i suppose everyone's different, and as I said...
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    'don't ask don't tell'?

    If I may smuggle in a general point about poly, I see it not so much as an evangelical mission for full disclosure but as an approach to flexibly facilitate different loves with different people. A starting point here is respecting that everyone has their own arrangements for honesty. Gotta...
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    'don't ask don't tell'?

    jeez guys, i have to keep saying this on this forum? just coz its hot and a fling doesn't necessarily mean its just sex! it was, yes, brief, but with future potential. I believe him coz his story, of which there were many parts told on separate occasions, was consistent and checked out, and...
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    'don't ask don't tell'?

    I got into a hot fling with someone who had an honest 'don't ask don't tell' only-when -you're-out-of-town thing with his partner. I mean honest in that its an explicit agreement between them. Anyone else had experience with this? Like, how to avoid having the practical arrangemens feel like...
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    Problems with the Jealousy Exercise

    It doesn't seem like the safest space from which to launch into poly - having discovered them cheating. Were yous poly before that? I'm not surprised that you feel you don't want them to be lovers at all, and I wonder if you can label yourself a jealous person until you try out the same exercise...
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    is there a better word?

    If the right word doesn't exist yet, is it maybe better to use a descriptively accurate sentence? Such as, this is Jon. We live together. This is Bob. We started dating lately.'?
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    Feeling Lonely

    :( ouch. sorry. are you sure its a good idea to go away together? unless you think there's a chance you'll work stuff out on the trip, won't it just prolong everyone's agony? It is awkward commiserating with one partner about a breakup with another, but its worth giving your partner the chance...
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    jealousy over an ex

    why do you assume it was casual? (Me, I'm never sure till around the third year....)
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    jealousy over an ex

    ...the oddity for me is, how come i could stand the thought of sharing when we were together but now it bugs me to distraction? feel free to state the obvious, it might be the one thing I'm missing...
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    jealousy over an ex

    sound advice in both cases, Neonkaos, but since telling myself 'get over it' 20 times a day has not gotten to the bottom of the gut reaction, here i am. And since I've given some free advice in my time, I feel perfectly at ease with accepting or rejecting the free advice that comes my way. :)
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    jealousy over an ex

    My friend, if i knew where the 'get over it' switch was, I'd have flipped it long ago instead of wasting the time of all you good people out there. :) Indeed I may not have flipped the 'get under it' switch in this particular case. We're sort of friends. We work together. Its awkward. We like...
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    jealousy over an ex

    any advice on dealing with jealousy about an ex maybe dating someone we both know? i know, i know, if you;re not dating its not poly. ;) just that poly people have produced a lot of good advice about dealing with jealousy.
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