Recent content by Tinwen

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    Why is this so hard

    It's just hard. Sorry to hear about your lack of success. It's harder for men in general to make a good impression as 'poly', so it's not just your autistic traits. In fact, to me it seems that autistic and poly go together well enough - poly is a well-described alternative structure, the term...
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    A 20yr relationship turning towards a 3rd person into the relationship

    Yup, they totally can. But what does it mean "feelings"? Does falling in love mean wanting no other for him? for you? for her? Think about THAT carefully. Talk about that. For some people it does. But for most, it doesn't have to. Another question is, how much TIME do you need from your...
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    A 20yr relationship turning towards a 3rd person into the relationship

    IMHO your thoughts are running ahead of events trying to figure out an outcome where you can't predict it. You have a good thing going with your husband and your friend. You're open to intimacy. You've had a threesome and it went well. Do you want to repeat it, or not? Your husband wants to...
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    I'm desperate to discuss this video on poly with other poly people -- it's the most incredible argument for poly I've ever seen (feminist angle)

    @Solaronion Yup, thanks for sharing the link. While most poly ideas weren't exactly new to me (well, the ideas I grasped, there was a digression towards feminism that I didn't), it's a good video, and I'm thinking about sending this to my brother.
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    Hostile metamor - what can I expect from my patner?

    You must be insecure about what this other relationship means for you. Does this mean that your ldr relationship has no way to escalate? Will you see him less? Will he dump you? What limits are there in place - maybe she's never willing to reschedule? no more vacations? Maybe this is what you...
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    The Adopted Thread

    When did you learn you were adopted, did your adoptive parents try to keep i secret from you?
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    Partner wants restrictions on my dates

    This and this. @Polymark I've read and understood your statistical reasoning, and the rule still doesn't make sense. Relationships always go a different way then you'd imagine based on the dating profile, plus the dating profile rule isn't a good expression of where you actually stand. You'd...
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    Partner wants restrictions on my dates

    "I am making a financial investment, so it's my way in the argument?" You two will have to clarify the terms of the financial support given. A place of dependence with "strings attached" is not only uncomfortable, but destructive longterm. The deal should be somehow clear.
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    I’d like to ask my boyfriend if he’d consider becoming polyamorous. Any advice?

    I think that's perfectly good to try, just go slowly, ok? :) Plenty of couples manage an occasional encounter with another couple, and you don't necessarily hear about them at poly forums. What you do hear about ... the voeful stories of "we love each other so much, moved together but now she's...
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    My married partners may split up. How can I best handle this?

    Some people fight (often, or not so often, but regularly) and have breakup worries in the process and don't break up. Try to keep in mind that no break up is happening yet. This may be even the best way to support your partner. Keep your distance, do your self care, trust they're gonna work it out.
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    Change in all the areas of my life...

    Yeah, that would be wise. Will you tell them?
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    Change in all the areas of my life...

    I think it's fine to find NEW things to do in a new situation.
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    Covid precautions and couples privilege

    Is any of you in a risk group? If yes, I guess the pod must find a way to not endanger them. The 3 days of isolation... are you taking your test on the 3rd day? The median incubation period for covid is 5 days, so for this measure to have effect, I'd also tend to say it has to be longer. Maybe...
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    Are my bi male fantasies problematic?

    Well, you can't easily control fantasy, can you? So don't beat yourself up. Imagine the more common case of gender roles reversed. Guy has that fantasy. What happens on this forum? Everyone will take care to tell him that it's unlikely to happen and that he's not allowed to be pushy about it...
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    getting emotional support for an unconventional living situation

    I'd just leave Violet out of the picture completely when you tell the story. "Eli has a new house, which is huge and amazing and I'm so happy for him, but also feeling disappointed, because it's still a long drive, and just thinking forward to all the commuting makes me feel exhausted"... should...