Recent content by UnicornHunted

That's refreshingly honest of you to admit. Thank you for that.

I'm newish to poly (a few years in) and only know other poly couples that practice hierarchical poly. I'm trying to get a sense of how other poly people deal with their insecurities. I personally don't have any need to feel best/most/only, but my poly meta is still struggling with these...

How important is it, to you personally, to believe that your partner holds the space of "best, first, and most" for you? If it's very important, do you believe this where your relationship security comes from?

I think there's a misunderstanding here. I don't think ALL parallel poly relationships are or have to be hierarchical. I think *this one* will be, given the inability of the V lead two separate lives.

When my meta isn't experiencing a crisis, she's one of the most intelligent, thoughtful, helpful, creative, and put-together people I know. I love spending time doing things with her. However, what I *need* is more partner time, whether it's selfish or shared (both are fulfilling to me). I need...

This is my fear. There is currently little "upside" on her end to fixing the dynamic. One of the family therapists went so far as to ask "Why would you want to change it if it was working well enough before?". His answer is basically "Because it would require returning to a place of emotional...

That's the trick - how does one convince someone who wants to preserve the "sanctuary" of their devoted couple's space to do otherwise? If that's where her heart is right now, everything said to the contrary will be tinted with a coercive or conniving brush. I won't do either of those things...

Are you saying F1 (the wife) always has some sort of "thing" and then the other two have to rush to attend to that? So the dynamic revolves around a queen bee? Like... trying to fill the never ending black hole? Yes. This exactly. Though she puts the responsibility on her husband, which means...

Within the confines of this V, F1 and F2 are both more or less "mono" in relation to the common hinge, M (F1's husband), correct? I am not mono, despite having a far deeper connection with M than my other casual partners. We are all "allowed" (I hate that word) to see others, but I am currently...

Fair points. While cohabitation is not a required component for kitchen table poly, it's the best descriptor I've found for "family-style" poly that doesn't include children and isn't assumed to be a full triad (every member romantically bonded to each other). Im using the term to describe the...

This is why input is desired. NRE could influence too much, so I hold my own opinion somewhat in reserve. Though knowing myself, I know that I do desire interconnected living that isn't restricted to romantic connections. I view day-to-day living as a joyful aspect of life to be shared with...

Encapsulate: To lead separate lives, some here, and some there. There currently isn't room for the hinge in this scenario to make his own choices about the levels of commitment he desires to give each partner; not without defacto punishment. Encapsulating in this case would mean "non-primary"...

This exactly. I want nothing what-so-ever to do with coercion on either end. It's abuse, no matter where it comes from, or whether intentional or not. Nobody can force you to have feelings for another. Wanting space from particular people is normal and healthy. The trouble is when your personal...

Stated non-hierarchical established couple, plus one. F1 + F2 get along very well and care about each other deeply, but are not romantically attached. Female 1 (10+ year marriage to M, desires only parallel poly to protect the marriage, despite claiming distaste for the idea of hierarchy)...