Recent content by Urraca

Thank you! I'm being an optimist and looking forward to getting over these last hurdles!

Probably the final update: I informed my husband that I was considering divorce, that I didn't see a version of the marriage where we were both happy, but that if he could come up with a solution, then I was all ears. He didn't even like hearing "the D word" but said he'd think about it, that he...

It's extremely nice to hear the other perspective on this! I think it is possible for that to be the case. She is an online girlfriend (though they have met in person), so face-to-face with me and her isn't going to be a thing, but we have briefly chatted in the past, and it was amicable. Like...

I asked him for his opinion on all of this and specifically the bitch stuff and got nothing but a stonewall... I don't really know how to answer this... I feel like I'm having a hard time telling nice from bare minimum, as well as "it's the thought that counts" vs. "he should have known better...

I've brought up both how I felt and asked him to talk to me about it and what was said and I've got nothing to show for it. I do agree with you that I tiptoe and bend over backwards to make excuses for this or that behavior a little too much but I'd say I'm a pretty blunt person. I honestly...

Hopefully in the future I can feel this way but since she doesn't know me face-to-face, all her information about me comes from my spouse. I think if she says that "all I do is bitch 90% of the time" then it's a reflection on what he actually thinks of me. Is that a bad way to look at it? Oh...

This is a lot to unpack and I've been thinking about it for a few days now... I do think I do this a lot, probably more than you'd count as "fine" but I need to think a lot more on why I do it and undoubtedly discuss it with a counselor. Thank you for pointing it out, it was something I didn't...

This is a lot more extensive than what I've been doing and it's going into my utility belt! 💖 Thank you! Very familiar! Actually, I sent him a message recently about him someday talking to me about what the GF said and how he feels, agrees, or disagrees with any of it, but there was no...

I wondered that too! Yes, wait, is what I just said tiptoeing? I'm genuinely curious because I thought I was being sympathetic. I absolutely relate to a lot of the things said in poly hell but you're right, I don't know if it's the poly arrangement itself or just the juxtaposition. Minor...

This sounds so exhausting! I'm glad you're out of there. I do see what you mean and these are familiar beats. To be fair to my husband, I'm equally concerned that I come off this way to him. This transition has meant I've sought a lot of reassurance from him. If it's okay to say, was there...

His stance throughout this has been that he works and his motivation for working is me, so that's him doing/carrying a lot. He's said things in arguments like, "I could be an asshole and make you pay for your cellphone by yourself." Mind you, I make a lot less than him (that artist life), but...

Yes! Very much want to learn! I do try to use non-violent communication and whatnot. Its mileage varies. One thing I need to tackle is using "but" less, as even when I make sure to acknowledge what my husband says, once a "but" or other disagreeing word is put in there, he feels as though I'm...

Thank you so much for the insight. I'm going to do the legwork you're suggesting and make sure that, in seeking a counselor, I find someone who has a specialty in this subject. I'm going to be a lot better about my boundaries and following my own boundaries, and definitely love that tea idea as...

In the end I rambled a bit about things upsetting me and honestly, I should have stopped sooner. During it, he also expressed some things he would like me to do. 1. Cuddle with him more, like being the big spoon more. I have since started doing this. 2. Occasionally jump up from my work...

I'm sorry I fell off the face of the planet on this thread but I wanted to thank you all and give an update. I think I have to split this into two posts... but here I go! The reason I stopped replying was because I presented the dating menu thing to my spouse and it didn't really go as one...