xatuuu

I'm Xatu, 34 years old. I've always been deeply drawn to romantic love — it's my main interest in life. I've always known that I can fall deeply in love with more than one person at the same time.

I realized I was polyamorous about 12 years ago, when I came across the concept through the book The Ethical Slut, while trying to understand myself and what I was feeling.

Nine years ago, I fell in love with my best friend while I was in a committed 7-year relationship. I tried to open the relationship, but it didn't end well.

Now I'm single, living on my own, and proud of my poly identity. I'm currently navigating my first real experience with ethical non-monogamy, involving my former partner (we were together for 15 years and have a child) and a new relationship that I care deeply about.

I'm afraid of committing further because I don't want to hurt anyone — and also because I don't want to lose the autonomy and freedom I've worked so hard to build for myself.

At the same time, I'm afraid that if I keep things ambiguous, I might lose both of them — especially since we all live in a small town.

So… I could really use some guidance from you, the community I'm still learning.