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This is the kind of stuff I was referring to. If the beginning is struggle (and I'm sure there are lots of people to whom it is and has been), then how to work through the difficulties without anyone getting hurt. Not being an asshole is a good answer to this, I suppose. But it's still kind of...

Before the breakup I felt that one thing that made the transition difficult for me was how difficult it is for me to meet new people, make friends and keep friends. I felt I needed to work on this to be able to be in an open/polyamorous relationship. On the other hand… the lack of solitude...

Damn your previous post made me cry. My thoughts exactly. Thank you for those words.

I thought I'd start a blog of sorts. I have random thoughts running through my head so I thought lists might help. Feel free to comment :) 12 things I've learned about polyamory: 1. Trust is essential. As is being trustworthy. 2. I'm polyamorous by nature. 3. It's hard to open an existing...

This is not what I'm after now. I am trying to find out what kind of difficulties people have in transitioning from mono to poly or adding new people and what are the best strategies to avoid anyone from getting hurt in the process. And since I do think that any newbie is bound to get it more or...

Marcus, I apologise for my rude response. I was going through some really difficult things (still am), I should have stayed off any threads didn't feel perfectly neutral to me. I think I understand better now what you mean with jealousy. I wonder if this was a language problem. You are...

As I've been telling people about why my relationship ended (I was cheated on and lied to), I felt the need to tell about polyamory as well, to give the full context to it all. Most people have reacted with "and he still cheated on you anyway 0.o". So I guess the old wisdom of if you want a...

There is no fault in what you want. Also there is no fault in what she wants. These things just aren't that compatible. It's hard to compromise when your needs and wants clash so badly. It's good that you are willing to work on it, though. I wish you luck with it.

Wow GalaGirl. Your post is actually very relevant and helpful to me too. To the OP, I just found out that I was cheated on by someone who just didn't think stuff was that important. I had started to not trust his word already, because he kept braking it in so many small ways. If you want poly...

Just an update, since I called Salamander this morning and explained just what this breakup means to him. I asked if he'd had sex with others (two women I know he has spend the night with so that I know). He slept with one of them, but failed to tell me when I asked how the weekend went. And I'm...

It's a break up. I see no other way. Not with someone like this. I think the kids will be alright. He wasn't such a big part of their lives (I have co-custody with my ex and they spend a lot of time there). And although it bothered me at times, now I think it is a good thing. I will continue...

Salamander told me himself. And he has a history of cheating. I made it clear in the beginning, that it would be a major deal breaker. He's devastated, but he dug his hole all on his own. Too bad he dragged me into it.

Marcus, you don't get to diagnoze me with jealousy nor any other thing. To me your communication style is an example of what is wrong and scary in polyamory (gasp!). You belittle my experience and my feelings, you make excuses for salamander like his behavior was alright. Maybe you have...

My side of the story is pretty much in Aspergers and poly thread. I did my best at not limiting him but telling him what I'm comfortable with and pushing myself further for him. And he made promises to stay within my limits and let me know if he needed to or wanted to move beyond them so that I...

What I was referring to was that I thought I was ready and wasn't and in the process ended up hurting my partner and the woman he was interested in. I was thibking about how to fail like this without hurting others too much. But after I wrote the original post I learned that they already had...

And I just learned that he had slept with her two weeks ago already. So I went through all this shit for him and it was just a lie.

Ok, my first real experience at polyamory didn't go down that well. I wasn't ready (I thought I was, and I tried my best) and due to that other people got hurt (as well). I've been reading this forum and lots of articles about polyamory, but haven't still found instructions on how to fail at...

A lot has happened since I last posted, but first I'd like to reply to your messages. Well, actually, I have to. If I don't analyze my feelings I'm unable to talk about them. It can take days for me to actually feel anything. It only happens after i analyze the situation and put it in words...

Yesterday I tried to focus on my fears, like I read somewhere that I should do. Now I'm not so sure about that. I'm stuck on a thought loop that produces panic attics (or something). My list of fears: 1. I'm scared of not being good at polyamory. That I'll be a failure. 2. I'm scared of being...

Wow, so many answers to this. Lets see. I think I covered in an earlier post what tenK said about not pathologizing. And that is, really, a good point. I haven't really had the experience of others using aspergers as an explanation for my behaviour like london has. Maybe because I haven't...