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This. So well said. That’s my experience too- and assuming that the desire for change means it’s going to happen is a big mistake.

Two things strike me: First, BS on being too new to carry weight after a year. You are the world’s biggest expert on what works and doesn’t for you. And don’t you forget it ;) Poly is mainly self-awareness and good boundaries, applied in a new scenario. After a year, you have a decent lay...

I think my deeper question is: how much of a “unicorn hunt” is it to look for a deeply committed relationship in poly relationships if you don’t start off from a point of already having one and opening up. It is possible- yes. But I see swveral roadblocks that keep coming up: reluctance to...

You’re going to have to take my word I know what poly is, and my data set are actually poly, not non-monogamous. The idea is to go for love and relationships. Not sex. By deep prevailing love: love: all three are what the author of the theory defines as “consummate love”; commitment and...

I had a reply and lost it— I have been looking to expand, for 3 years. And am wondering if it is harder tocexpand INTO commitment. I have it— with my ex-husband, I have commitment and intimacy in the form of friendship/co-parenting. With my current people, commitment is not absent- just...

I read a interesting theory defining types of love by whether they contain good amounts of one, two, or 3 of the following: Intimacy, passion, commitment. There was no “wrong” or right, but it helped define the shapes of some loves I’ve had and been in. Very interested in what people feel...

P.S. they are unwittingly being assholes. They are engaging in nom-assholish mono behavior, and assholish poly behavior, and haven’t learned that you can be a gem to your first partner and be an asshole to your next partner in one move. The most asshoish thing is not to be completely upfront...

They are choosing not to do the work- as a couple or individuals - to be comfortable with multiple sex partners. And asking you to do the work to have a non-sexual relationship so they can continue to not work. Dump away. You’re not dumping for not putting out. You’re dumping for asking...

Are your time needs being met sufficient to have a relationship that feels good? Are you secure that they will continue to be? How about your intimacy needs? Which often takes time? This is my guess. She may need freedom to flit. It might not work for you. Or you might just need...

Turned out to be a wrong number.

I just got a voice mail from a health department Unfortunately, the voice mail took several days to get to me. Glitchy system. I’m kind of assuming this is an STD call. The only partner I had in that area, I’ve tested clear for everything multiple times since. But it was literally years...

I get all those feelings. And send sympathy, and hope they turn to joy. It can always be changed- alternated between- later of you feel that way. Have you considered a handfasting with Jester? Or second ceremony? Does it have to be exclusive? It might. You don’t say if it is Europe or...

A truth of life is you will never gain happiness from getting her to change. If you take our words and try and do that- it will fail. From what I see, she won’t because you want her to- she’s not showing herself that kind of person. What WILL get you happiness is to change yourself...

Also, red flags are going. Does she generally treat you well,’or does she have a habit of denying you something you want almost arbitrarily? (Excuse typos)

Ideally, nether relationship limits the other. The fact you have a “primary” label doesn’t limit what she can do with others. The fact she is doing something elsewhere neither makes it on or off in your relationship. Ideally, you are able to work through feeling that because someone else...

I love the jointly invested in success insight. That’s what has felt really good in one set up that did succeed. I was the smaller relationship- but it wasn’r Competitive. It was synergistic. And it felt- and still feels- great.

I’ve actually found love and connection and emotional intimacy come easy in poly. So I’m not focusing on that because I’m treatinf that as a given. But I can see how the lack of context would make it seem that way. . Identifiers help me, they do many. I have a strongly analytical side. And...

I would lend my car too- and perhaps what I’m lookong for is partly found on that. I have that kind of “your house is my house” feeling with a lot of my friends- maybe I need to be looking for that in my lovers too. It might be part of what I need romantically.

It’s pretty easy for most people to have a partner and a girlfriend/boyfriend/date friend. Girlfriend/boyfriend/datefriend defined roughly as a committed relationship where you still are pretty much your own entity, but overlap and intersect a lot. Partner defined as interconnected lives- your...

Sorry blabout typos- on a phone