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It turns out Guitarist was just overwhelmed with defensiveness, he says for no reason. I understand that. I get that way myself, sometimes, and I just need to get through it to see how irrational the emotion is. The important part is that he wasn't talking about going out and having sex with...

I can definitely tell that a couple days of bad sleep, from a sinus headache and nightmares, have been adversely affecting my mood. In other news, I found out yesterday that Flame will be moving back to the midwest on Sunday. Not in a month or something like that: Sunday. He did tell me that...

I had a good date night with Raven, and a good weekend. Guitarist and I got lunch and saw a movie on Sunday. The rest of it was mostly relaxing. I can't realize how close we are to NaNo kicking off again. It seems crazy to be trying to fit that into my schedule, but that is how it is.

Criminey, it's been two weeks since I've posted! I've just been busy with my life and with work stuff, and since I've been pretty much just straight happy lately, I haven't had a lot of processing to do. I had a great week-long vacation with Guitarist. Lots of food, lots of quality time, lots...

The ren fest was good, but 100 degrees (literally, that is what the thermometer in my car said), we got parked in the overflow lot, Raven has knee problems, and I almost fainted on the walk back. Other than that though, it was a lot of fun, and I was relieved that Raven was an excellent hinge...

I don't know why work on Friday is a thing. I never get much done. I'm exactly as productive when I don't show up and go through the motions at all. Today, I slept well for the most part, the sky is blue, I have plans I'm excited about tomorrow, and I don't have anything major due at work, so I...

It was a good talk. I got to hear a lot about how Guitarist is feeling, which has been better the past couple days. I was probably interpreting his tiredness the day before as something it was not, and combined with the not seeing his people, and the hurt feelings. He said he just needed to...

Post-script: I've felt a lot better this afternoon since vomiting all of that forth, getting it out of my head. Yay processing blog for processing. The helpless anger has subsided and I mostly just feel hurt. It's like... maybe stop dismissing me because I might know something about this and...

I've been in mild depression since I mentioned that I was on my way down, but last night was kind of a tipping point. Plenty of "why are you here" and "what the fuck are you doing with your life" thoughts. I brought up the idea of writing my feelings as a novel with my therapist and she was...

Stuff has been going on in my life, I just haven't felt pressed to update! In poly land, me and Guitarist had a board game night with Spice and Spicewife, which was fun. We got to play two times through Dead of Winter, which I feel really captures the essence of zombie horror and makes it into...

It's probably just hormones, unless you've felt this way consistently for a month or three. I always start seriously questioning about three of those five things at least two days a month. :rolleyes:

Since I got food poisoning from some chicken tacos at the farmer's market I went to with Raven before the party, it ended up being a lot of worry for nothing. I was at the party for like the slowest opening hour before it became really apparent that lots of people and one bathroom was going to...

Today was some kind of day. I got to spend a big chunk of it with Raven, since we went out to an orchard about an hour away. Then we went into the small city and wandered around the farmers market. We were looking for a specific taco truck but we couldn't find it, so we ended up eating at the...

Still hanging in here. Raven has to work four hours upstate on Friday and she invited me to a late curry dinner with her, RavenHub who I'm now dubbing Gardener, and Gardener's significant other. I'm not sure whether I'll go. Our make up date will be Saturday day, we're going to drive out to a...

Tiny's ex roommate canceled on us for the metal festival and then Tiny didn't want to go (which I get). I asked if she wanted to come over and hang out, instead, and she turned me down for board games or TV watching in favor of hanging out with her guy. I could have gone on my own, but the...

Over here in boring land, I'm trying to decide whether I actually want to go to the "Not" A Sex Party coming up, or whether my desire to attend is mostly FOMO. I'm leaning toward FOMO with a healthy dose of envy that both of my current partners enjoy that kind of atmosphere while I wish it was...

Reading your blog fills me with such warm feelings of beauty for you and your guys, even when you're struggling. I'll be over here in my corner rooting for maximum happiness for all of you.

Things are still boring over here. I have no crises so I'm sort of just cruising along. Stuff with Guitarist is back to mostly fine. He's not sure if things are going to work out with Magical and I'm sad for him but also selfishly glad I'm not the only one relationships don't always work out...

Everything around here is pretty okay with the exception of current events grinding me down into depression and wanting to drink. Raven is kind of seeing a new guy, I think for a fuckbuddyship, and I think he's alright. Processing poly stuff has been low-priority lately.

Awwww thanks. Not so much done on the work front, but Guitarist messaged me back to say that he had simply forgotten what he said that in all the stuff surrounding that whole incident, and telling me he's not going this time because he said he wouldn't, as well as answering my various...