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I had a conversation with Guitarist last night. Normally I don't like to know the specifics, but I think that's mostly because knowing specifics gives me bad feels. In this case, I already have the bad feels, and knowing the specifics doesn't make them any worse. Guitarist has some him-stuff...

Thanks Rev. It does suck. Relationships are complicated and sometimes people do things that hurt. Therapy yesterday was really helpful in terms of separating out what is anxiety and what are legitimate concerns, coming up with a strategy so that the bad thoughts don't keep ambushing me, coming...

Therapy day. I can tell it's going to be a fun one because I can't even organize my thoughts enough to anticipate questions and I've been on the edge of tears all day at work.

I'm really struggling with a lot of Feelings. Guitarist engaged in some agreement-breachy behavior at the not-a-sex-party. I'm going to call it moderate cheating. Where mild is a breach of an agreement due to confusion but also failing to clarify, moderate is a knowing breach of an agreement...

I actually ended up going nowhere and doing nothing yesterday. Our brand fucking new water heater went out on Thursday night, leaving us without hot water and with plumbers scheduled to come yesterday. They did come and fix up the water heater, but by then it was after 4 pm, I hadn't showered...

I'm presently wondering why the hell I thought that booking myself for three things this Saturday (a Pride march, a baby shower, and the not-a-sex-party) was a good idea. Whyyyyyyyy. If I wasn't planning on seeing Raven at the party, I'd already have canceled that aspect already. It just seems...

Reverie's more recent post on the interaction between child of an addict/control/polyamory really resonated with me. My struggles with anxiety and control are frequent topics in therapy. Tied, of course, to my family of origin stuff with two parents who are addicts. My whole adult life is a...

I haven't been posting much lately. Probably because when I'm content and even happy in all of my relationships, there doesn't seem to be all that much to process. Sorry not sorry! Raven went with me to a poker game with my non-poly friends last night, and she said she had a lot of fun and...

Emma sent me a blog article on comet relationships in poly and it was a good read, but I think it's definitely written from an allosexual viewpoint. I mean, there's no way that I could fall right back into physicality with someone that I haven't seen in years. The desire for physical anything...

I kind of wrote a big post earlier on my phone and lost it, which left me feeling very "fuck my life" about posting today. And now it's late and I'm sitting here knowing I should be going to bed but I decided to update anyway, whee! I had a much better day today after a full night's sleep...

Saturday I had a talk with Raven about how canceling on me twice in a row hurt my feelings. She apologized and said that she understood and that she was glad we were talking about it. At the time, it felt promising. In retrospect though it wasn't much of a conversation, me saying my piece and...

So now that the craziness of the past few weeks is over, let the craziness of the next few weeks commence! Tonight I'm having a date with myself. It's been a while since I scheduled some down time, so I did and I'm really looking forward to it. It's kind of a "the past couple Fridays have been...

High communication. Liberal. Beyond liberal. The father left, the better. Kitchen-table model of poly. Neither closeted queer nor closeted poly. Respects relationship privacy and actively tries not to triangulate. Responsible about scheduling.

Like most phrases that include "privilege," I think couples privilege gets a bad rap from people who don't fully understand it. It's just the assumptions (societal and individual) that go along with the couplehood of the highest couple on the escalator. It's not bad or good in and of itself. And...

Cue cramping. No wonder I've been feeling so fatalistic and morose the past couple days! It's time to hold off on making major decisions for about a week or so.

My Friday date with Raven was canceled, again. She was going to her mother's on Saturday morning. She offered to reschedule to Saturday, but my friend was in town from out of the country. I offered to bring her with but she wasn't sure she would be up for it. She said she'd let me know, and...

Congrats! I used to drink probably three nights a week, but I no longer drink. My mental health demands it.

So I haven't really graduated to every-other-week counseling. As we were going over her checklist of emotional stability stuff, I don't quite meet all the criteria yet and we still have some cbt stuff to work on. Boo. But not too much of a disappointment since I'd rather be safe than sorry...

I ended up getting over it and having a really good weekend. There may or may not be an update to follow on my lunch break. I'm getting my first intern ever so I might not have time!

I was supposed to have a Raven date tonight, but she canceled on me yesterday, because she was starting to feel bad because of the start of her period. I've felt most of the time since then more or less like shit, trying to come up with different ways to make myself feel better. First I thought...