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This is about meeting the needs of two people. One needs some space to grieve. The other wants to feel valued as a partner. Both are needs are perfectly normal for a person to feel; having them both met at the same time might just not be possible in these circumstances. What I'm trying to say...

Lost4naught, I've been in your place very, very recently. I could have almost written that post. These are some things that have helped me so far: First, to acknowledge and accept that my life has changed. This alone can be a cause for mourning. It takes time. Considering my life in the future...

It does look like things are looking up. I am now working a bit with NVC (Non-violent communication). I first came across it in More than Two, and again in the Jealousy Survival Guide, where it is a little more extensively outlined. (I have been unwittingly trying to practice elements that...

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Kia ora Evie! I don't think I could add something more substantial than what has already been covered by everyone else. I find the thoughts outlined in your last post insightful and beautiful. I think that might be the best aspect of polyamory: opening ourselves to experience, connecting with...

Would a soft, oblique, vague approach help? To refer to and present CB as your very special, very close friend (yours and Cowboy's), leaving some room for suspicion, not admitting anything, hinting, perhaps, teasing (from both you and Cowboy, since he's on board). I understand it's easier in...

Post-meeting update Galagirl, it did help, a lot, and organising things further (into values, goals, wants) in your next post helped even more. Thank you. It went more or less decently, I think. We had about half an hour on our own on the way to the venue; I gave her a small gift for her...

Thank you so much, everyone. Every little bit helps. Evie, left to my own devices, it may never be time for it yet. ;) lunnabunny, thanks for sharing your own experience. I also read your story on your own thread; I hope things work out for you guys. Knowing that others are going or have gone...

I'm to meet her tonight, and I'm anxious. I will vent a little here, if it's all right. I have my ups and (extreme) downs in this whole story. At times I appreciate how this has enriched our lives and how it has spurred everyone's personal growth and at times I mourn the loss of exclusivity. I...

I couldn't have said it better than 1234567. I agree on all points.

Hi D, Everyone says that poly/mono relationships are tricky at best. There's a section about it at the More Than Two website that's a good primer. As a mono (so far?) person whose partner opened up our relationship recently, there were several hurdles. The most crucial one was, to begin with...

That makes much better sense and is very understandable. I would write the decision is ultimately yours and I'm glad it's looking like you won't be pressured to do something you don't want. It's good that you're looking into other solutions. I hope this works out for you all.

I read that one, too. I found Esther The Perel's State of Affairs a very good read on the subject, too. Non-judgemental, non-prescriptive. Interestingly enough, she had a few cases of infidelity occurring in polyamorous relationships, too, which stresses the point that it's less about...

GalaGirl, Kevin, thanks for the advice. Galagirl, thanks for taking the time to put all this together. Non-apology apologies are definitely something to steer clear of! To be honest, an email with a formal apology like this would be very heavy handed and in fact alarming – very far removed from...

Hi Kevin, I'd watched a couple episodes of Black Mirror a couple years back and thought they're for those with a strong stomach, but it's still on my "to-watch" list. I read the start of your blog and I was wondering, do you still play the piano, or music in general?

Treebeard, I'm sorry you're going through that. Been there, and it's called poly hell for a reason. I think one of the challenges with NRE that is not often mentioned is not just watching your partner divert all their energy to a new partner, and the jealousy that goes with that, but wanting...

I'm sorry you're struggling. This is really a tough situation. While I think the weight of it all falls disproportionately on you, and you should have all the support you need, I think that the following is a little unfair on Ponytail. From what I can tell, he is not ready to have a child...

As I mentioned in my intro post, I have been working on coming to terms with my long-term partner forming an intimate attachment to another woman. I think I'm on a good way, though the process has been very messy. Some history is probably in order. I'll be calling my partner Indaren, and his...

Hi Socks, and I'm sorry you're struggling. It usually pays off not to jump onto assumptions about deception. I think for most people it's hard to know what we want exactly; we find a good situation, and go with the flow. But people and their needs change over time. In a sense it is good for her...

Thanks, everyone, for the recommendations. Just now I'm taking a small break* from reading about polyamory, because I have put a lot of effort in the matter for several weeks non-stop and am feeling somewhat exhausted; I have let other obligations slide, and I also missed having some carefree...