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Oh no sorry if that was unclear - not at all - the agreement was to put things on hold for about a month (in reality it will be slightly more) - that was well over 2 weeks ago so we are over half way

Thanks, yes there are no good options really, so I have to try and make the best of it. I'm a realist, so I know there is no going back to how things were before, however much I wish we could, so the best option seems to be for me to try and come to terms with this situation, hopefully over time...

Thanks for all your kind words and support. We are back home, the funeral was earlier last week but we spent a few more days with family and then for ourselves. We agreed to put things off for a few weeks (just over a month) but my partner now has plans to see her new guy again in 2 weeks for an...

This is so true - love is worth fighting for, even if at times there is pain and heartache

Thanks - well dad died last night - although he'd had a long period of illness he died peacefully in his sleep, I think he had the death he wanted, we had all been able to be around him over the last week or so and say our goodbyes. I am hoping to focus on the funeral and arrangements etc right...

Thanks - it's OK he has carers going in for that. It's more the emotional/financial/executor stuff I'm handling.

The best option for me (but not obviously for my partner) would be not doing any of this right now but that is neither fair or realistic, the cat is out of the bag as they say, and I have to deal with that. A better option might be if I had some additional support myself, but our existing circle...

Just to take this from the bottom first - yes she is being very supportive and I don't need to request that, we are there for each other. We have agreed a timeframe for this and that is also reassuring as it helps me know what to expect and try and adjust one step at a time. Also it is going to...

Sometimes it feels that way. I don’t [entirely] understand why I find it so hard when it seems so easy for others.

Thanks he's still hanging on but hardly eating Partner has gone for a day date today - I am teaching all day so have plenty to occupy me but am worried about how things will progress after this. Read Polyhell then remembered I had read it before - very useful

Thanks all - we've had a sad weekend with my father who is very close to death now and it could be any day, so the staying over thing is on hold anyway; my partner is still planning to meet for a day date this week but only if my dad is still OK.

Thankyou. Thing is my partner is keen to push ahead and wants to have another overnight next week, I don't feel great about this but equally don't feel I can really do anything about it, or even if I have a right to say no. We had agreed a sort of timescale, which this goes against, but part of...

Anyway today has been better, we did a bit of reconnecting yesterday, which I think got skipped over due to my partners anxiety over her job and not feeling well, which is completely understandable, but now we have talked about the need to make space for ourselves as a couple for a while when...

Speaking as an I find this thread interesting and a little concerning as someone in the same boat (partner starting exploring, me being anxious but trying to accommodate her needs after much discussion and a few mistakes along the way). I am more concerned about safe sex though tbh, if my...

I guess 'strong' means having the 'ego integrity' to handle poly better, not to feel so threatened, to have an inner core of self esteem to draw on instead of getting it from helping everyone else, so yes maybe also be more assertive for myself. I know I take on a lot but I do that by ignoring...

I think I'm experiencing an emotional backlash after things going better than we both expected on the overnight stay itself. Yes I coped pretty well on the whole but in retrospect I realised it was largely through diversionary activity and then using a drug to help me sleep. Over the weekend it...

'Hinge' - do you mean as in a door that swings both ways (metaphorically)?

Do you think it would help - since obviously it looks like the overnight went well and they will be progressing at their own pace and at some point this will become sexual - that is clear - for me to find someone myself? I don't feel comfortable with that being on a sexual basis right now - it...

Thankyou - although I wouldn't frame my problems as jealousy and Jessica Fern is very clear that for people with attachment trauma this is deeper than just jealousy (although obviously that may be one reaction, for me it's not the dominant one most of the time) I was using some techniques last...

Keeping busy in the garden right now then have a favourite movie lined up but also have some Zopiclone for if I can't sleep due to hyper vigilance and worry - I try not to rely on them but last night I was up all night and may well be tonight too if I don't do something