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Yes I have had that conversation and she does mean it in the way you’ve outlined, that I am the constant she wants to keep in her life regardless of whether her relationship with her nesting partner continues or not. She is under no illusions that I will not be leaving my primary and does not in...

Indeed, here we are! Yes she is maintaining that I already fully fulfil the role of primary for her. So really it’s just me getting in my own head around language and terms. Appreciate that I can have more than one primary though….. I will bear this in mind for the future as our relationship...

I totally agree in some respects, and I don’t want to abandon her in her needs, but I have literally nothing good to say about her partner, and now don’t want that to seem to come from a self-serving position! (It’s not at all.) It just puts me in a very tricky position…

I totally agree with you. I can’t ever see my hubby setting any sort ultimatum like that! He never ever has. We absolutely do communicate about everything. I was just answering your hypothetical question. Also, of course, if it was for a good reason (like you said with the red flag situation, I...

Absolutely but she has never has done that, and I don’t think she ever would. It’s all me putting the pressure on myself thinking I should be able to give her more!

You’re absolutely right, it isn’t any of my business who she chooses to date is it? I have this habit from childhood of trying to fix everyone else’s problems and overly worry about how they’re feeling when it really isn’t my business to get involved with, thanks for the reminder! I also think...

Sorry, my mistake. I hit post before I replied! To your first question, no, that is not the case at all. I have been poly for some time. My best friend has always been monogamous, but recently, with the help of counselling, has come to the realisation that polyamory is what is right for her...

Thanks for your comment. It’s really helpful. I think you’re right. My hubby is primary, because we literally spend our day-to-day life together and share so much, yes. Whereas for her, that doesn’t equate a primary. It’s more about feelings. Which is fine, I love her a lot too. I feel like...

Is this ethically right for me to continue? With us both seeing the relationship in such different terms? I guess that’s what I’m asking. I feel like I’m unable to fulfil the role of a primary partner to her but she disagrees…

I'm just after some advice, because I feel in a really awkward position. I am married to my primary partner (nesting partner also) and also now recently have gotten a secondary partner, who I am in a long-distance relationship with. For background, my secondary partner and I had been best...