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We have sex alone maybe once a week now. (Me and madmaxx) Him and I mix it up as far as what we do in the bedroom. Our level of kink is very high and we feel very free to talk about anything in bed that is a fantasy of ours. I like pain so we do that sometimes, since he is pansexual we play...

Why do we sleep in the same bed? It is only a couple of times a week, otherwise she is at her house and we are at ours. My stomach hurt the other day and I left the bedroom and did not wake them. They woke up and came looking for me. So I am not sure how that will look in the future. I have...

Woke up again thinking the same thing. What am I doing. I really hope that goes away. Spoke with madmaxx about my jealousy. He is going to help more with it. Try and defuse it when it comes up. But I need to be nice. I told him yesterday that I have not felt compersion yet. Its true. I love us...

Madmaxx and I have been together for 17 years and have known each other for a little over 19 years. We were good friends before dating.

After I wrote it all down I started to break it apart in my head. I am afraid of them falling in love and leaving me. Why. I am afraid of being left. False statement but a fear in general. Facts: She tells me all the time she will never leave me. And for no reason either. She just says...

I am so glad to be journaling. So good for the brain. Today I woke up alone (pip is off with her brother, and madmaxx is at work) My first thought was omg what are we doing. So far madmaxx has sleep in the middle. There have been some odd feelings about that because he has told me how he...

We gave up most date nights a while ago for pip but we also were not in an actual relationship with her. Now its twice a week with overnights. Planning. It seems we plan almost everything together now. Also our own personal sex life is down.

At first he didn’t understand. But after I keep asking he understood. We are going to make sure we schedule dates with each other too.

Things are good today. I think I really need to come back to here when I am having a bad day. It reminds me that the anxiety thoughts are not real.

Things with pip are super new sort of. We have been friends for around 3 years and super intenched in each others lifes for around a year and a half. Lovers is very very new. Today I am going to work with madmaxx. He is self employed so I can go. It’s excatly what I needed.

Question about how to handle an emotion? Madmaxx and I had a very close bond and intimacy. With pip in the picture that is now gone. How do I get that back and still keep them both? They are growing theirs and I am going mine with her but mine and his is at zero. When she is not there we all...

Thinking about what I just said in my previous post has me realizing more of how I am feeling. The intimacy between me and maddmax is gone at the moment. Everything is us (3) or her.

I am going to start writtinh again here. I need to get my thoughts out. There are just so many inside my head. I think writing them down would be a good idea. Just an fyi, please be kind. These are just fears, wories and hopefully happiness that I am feeling. Not always real and sometimes...

I do agree and think we need to so some soul searching and decide what we really want. I think fear really hold us back. I know it does for me. I believe that we are unsure as to what we want, we really fell into this in a way and are trying to make sense of it. It has also gone at warp speed.

It is. I am working on my boundaries and needs. I asked madmaxx to not tell me about the things he really likes to do with pip. I do not want to breed competition. It puts my mind in a funny place and even though we have sex together I still do not care to hear about his highlights. I can...

They are very set that we are not poly and only fwb.

Yes. Correct.

Update: Things are much better and communication is going pretty good. Her and I talked and we are exploring our sexuality together. I am doing a lot of work on my self. Learning how to love without asking for it back. Talking things out instead of silently suffering for it to only come out...

I think you are very correct and I can see so much heartache. I also realized I am doing all of the emotional lifting. I take care of pip in every way possible yet do not get the title of a partner. Yet my husband is seeming to get all the credit. I also see the potential for more problems but...

That makes sense. I think there is a lot of feelings happening that everyone is not ready to admit. For three people who are not poly this is new. (I tried it myself and can be but when we decided to go back to being monogamous it was easy) and madmaxx dabbled but it was never for him.