Search results

I've got to disagree with CTF again, here. I believe in honesty in relationships and that true intimacy is having the ability to be fully yourself and known. It means not having to hide. Withholding a part of yourself, even if you think it's to protect a person, puts a distance between you...

Wait, are you saying there are oodles of threads/posters living in "successful" triads?

On the trust worthy thing... I *think* I'm getting a way it can work? My reasoning is that if you can't trust a person to do the right thing, giving them a rule to make them do the right thing doesn't makes sense because following a rule is a right thing to do. How can you trust them to follow...

Another thing I found hard to understand was the trust thing.... If you think you can't trust your partner to behave right without rules in place, how can you trust them to follow rules? Not attacking or judging, just exploring the concepts.

To address fluid bonding.... I do care about that and sexual health. I'm fluid bond with Prometheus. Again, no rule needed to maintain that, only giving me information I need to make decisions about my own sexual risk. Instead of making him promise not to go bareback with another, I let him...

Yes, that's my point. If they are actually of like mind, and it happens naturally, you don't need the rule. And if their mind changes and they do indeed want more? He is expected to refrain. Example of me and one of my partners, Prometheus. Neither of us is looking for an additional partner...

Thanks Kevin. Being able to hear your arrangement and comparing it to mine helps me narrow down what exactly I'm uncomfortable with and why. I still have a hard time understanding why a person (especially a poly person) would want to restrict their partner, even if the restriction is easy to...

Ok. No hard feelings on any of it. And I wasn't trying to say you were arguing with her, just that you misunderstood. I can tell from where you clearly stated what you perceived from the post. I know, because I know Epione and this is a subject we've discussed at length for years. (Don't...

Yes, I'd like to hear your thoughts later (and of anyone else in a fidelity agreement) Related questions: How would it play out if one member decided they did indeed want to pursue another relationship? Would that process/discussion go any differently if you didn't have the agreement? If...

Pretty much. I ask because I often hear that "fidelity is natural for us" and I can't help but think, "If that's the case, why the need for an agreement? Wouldn't it just happen naturally in the absence of an agreement?" Functionally it may be the same, but in my mind I see a big difference...

Well, I don't really know any other way to say it, so I'll keep it simple. you misunderstood her post and the use of and mention of cognitive biases here.

I'm thinking mostly of the difference between a group that does not set their relationship structure as fidelity by mutual agreement but just happens to be functioning that way in practice and a group that officially structures and arranges their group as fidelity/makes a fidelity agreement

Again, what you are trying to say about the use of emotions with logic doesn't contradict what she was trying to say, and with your dismissal I really think you didn't read the list or even really understand what cognitive biases are, why we need them, and how knowledge of them can help us.

Does anyone here distinguish between fidelity as an action and fidelity as a structure?

Ok, but nothing you said contradicts what Epione was saying. Could you take a look at the link and see what she was talking about and how useful looking at those things can be to a person? Edit to add: and maybe consider that your other arguments in other threads may be coloring how you...

Oh! Another reason to avoid feeling like a bad person: You probably would have figured this out sooner or later right? Well, you have the wonderful advantage of knowing this BEFORE you found out the hard way, namely: falling in love with another. There are so many stories around here about...

Also, I think spork might be misinterpreting Epione 's post and that cognitive biases are more what the OP is questioning.

Hello there! Congratulations on exploring and learning more about yourself, it's not always an easy process. although it's necessary to first know what you what in order to get what you want. Not so easy when you want to seemingly conflicting things! I get the impression from your message...

Ah! And I thought it was going to devolve back to the basics of explaining the difference between morals and ethics (which still comes into play with cheating). In my view, cheating at its core is very simple to define. Cheating is a subcategory of betrayal/breaking an agreement, either spoken...

I used to struggle long with the war between heart and mind. For me? ..... Emotion is information, valuable information, but can also color your perception. Too often people use their minds to suppress or judge emotion, saying, "this doesn't make sense, so I shouldn't feel this way" Too...