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^^ I feel you so much on all of this. And I don't think it's narcissistic to try to figure out WTF. I think people who figure their own shit out, even if it takes a while and many circuitous turns, are the best people to hang around with. :cool:

Last night with Dustin was wonderful, as expected. When I arrived (after getting slightly rained upon on the bicycle), he was having snacks and a martini with Eve and listening to Christmas music, so I joined them for a glass of wine. Then we decided to all go to the grocery together. Then I...

Thanks for the tip. I'm not quite ready to put anything in quantitative terms—still in a very "wait and see" mindset, and I feel like setting a hard number on things would be counterproductive to my outlook. But I also know that I'll know when enough is enough, if you know what I mean. I'm...

I'm still feeling a mix of things. I had a really good night with Rider last night. We were supposed to record some songs with Perry, but due to Rider’s lack of sleep and poor mental state, I suggested we postpone and have a quiet night. I’d gotten a surprise end-of-year bonus, so I offered to...

Holy shit! One of my FB friends just posted the exact thing that bridges the chasm between my and Dustin's views on men and women being friends. Behold!

My life is a mess right now. Within the past 48 hours, I've almost broken up with both Rider and Dustin, totally separately, for totally different reasons. I cried on my bike ride to work yesterday, after watching Rider sleep for a while before I left. I was an hour late to work today because I...

OK, thanks for clarifying.

All day, I've been missing Dustin more than I usually do during the work day. Which is absurd, considering that tonight is night six out of the past seven (and night three out of the past three) that we'll be spending together, and considering that I just saw him this morning. He joked that...

I'm paying attention. Also, one of my favorite friends posted this on Facebook yesterday: "Teenagers are the universe's way of ensuring that you aren't a sad empty nester. I get it now. Tuck and roll kids. 😂 😭 😬" She step-parents two teenagers (a senior and a sophomore) and has one bio kid on...

Last night had the dubious honor of being the first non-sick time that Dustin and I hung out and did not have sex. I assume we'll make up for it tonight, haha. His rehearsal was canceled, and a friend had given him a ticket to see a band that he'd liked in high school, so he asked if I'd be...

Oh, and the other piece of news from today! I found out that my brother's wife is pregnant and is due a few days before my sister is! It's funny because their last babies were born within a week of each other too. They must be on the same schedule. Oh, it's gonna be so CUTE next holiday season...

Last night was incredible. The Geminids! Ah! I biked over to Dustin's after work. OMG, I had so much crap strapped to my bike, haha. Once the weather cools down, it is a true challenge to get three days' worth of clothes onto a bicycle with laptop and the book I'm reading and everything else...

Yeah, I've tossed around the question in my mind of what I would do if I find myself no longer living a non-monogamous lifestyle, as I have considered. Would I still belong here, etc.? This is actually the longest-running journal I've kept in years; I journaled daily between the ages of 12–22...

He actually ended up being one of my favorite characters because they made him a little complex; at first, they painted him as just kind of a dorky guy, but as the season went on, you got to see how he was romantic, highly intelligent, calm in the face of danger, mentally flexible enough to...

The therapist I went to back in Florida actually didn't have a receptionist at all. He made his own appointments by responding to voicemails. Maybe some of them are like that?

I was just thinking about how I really care about a lot of the people on here, even though I don't know them in real life. When I don't hear from them for a while, I worry about them. And when they are struggling, I feel for them. And when they are happy, I'm happy for them. I've never really...

Sorry you and your son are having such a rough time. I hope it gets better soon. ❤️

In other sudden news, Rider just had an impromptu lunch date with his other interest girl when she reached out to him spur of the moment. I guess I should give her a name? Even though they haven't made out yet, he's been spending more time with her, so if I want to talk about her, I guess I...

In actual news (as opposed to deep-diving into the distant past), there is not much. I had a really good night with Dustin last night. Percy actually picked me up after work, with Dustin riding shotgun, because they spur-of-the-moment wanted to do a little night-hike and I'd agreed to go...

I'm feeling really weird about Rider right now. Dustin and Percy's fishing trip got narrowed down to a day trip, so I am indeed spending Wednesday and Thursday nights with Dustin, since Rider has a poly meetup on Weds and then a date with Annie on Thurs. Rider was stoked that Thursday could be...