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Seconding the awesomeness of premium Spotify. They don't have EVERYTHING everything, but pretty close to it. They even have one of Dustin's albums! You put together your own playlists and can share them as a link to a friend, to Facebook, etc. There is a radio function that you can choose to...

(((HUGS!))) I'm so sorry that all of this is happening right before the holiday!

Just because I'm a compulsive communicator, I poked Rider one more time. He said this: So. The reason he hasn't been talking to me is because he's been talking to four other women. Which is fine. If that's where he needs to place his focus right now until he finds the balance he seeks, I am...

Rider ended up staying at his "happy hour outing" till after 10:00 last night. Happy hourS, I guess. It was fine by me because I ended up avalanched under work and didn't even leave the office till after 8:00. Then I went to Trader Joe's, got some more cranberry juice and some lunch supplies. I...

I just went back and browsed my blog till I found when I started to lose my desire. It was toward the end of last August (2016), literally two and a half years in to the week. My first mention of it was something like, "Hm, my sexual energy has been off. Not sure what's up." So it's been over a...

I love this list! Thank you! It is all good stuff to think about. This is heartening to hear. I like having hope. Definitely I have done the "temporary fling" thing before for reason #1. And for reason #2 . . . there was, until now, always a particular reason that popped up that I knew the...

Yesterday was all right. I woke up with some vague UTI-ish feelings, probably due to dehydration and a ton of vigorous camper sex after which I was too lazy to pee after because the bathroom was all the way in the main house. Because I'm not spending the night with Dustin till Wednesday, he...

(I'm slooooowwwly working my way through all the responses, carefully considering each. But I am reading them and not ignoring the more recent ones. Just chewing on them and deciding how to respond. But I'm also busy!)

Yeah, no matter what happens, whether my desire comes back or not, I really do hope to keep Rider in my life. I want us to stay together, if it's possible. And if it's not possible for some reason at some point, I absolutely want to at least stay very good friends with him. He's so important to...

Believe me, this is something that I think about quite a bit. Dustin says that he is looking to segue out of partying in the nearish future. We talk a lot about how we can help each other by being cut-down/quitting buddies for the booze. We seem to agree that the ideal amount of alcohol...

I actually have had a therapist turn me down in the past when she learned I was in a poly relationship, so I think the poly-friendly part might be kind of important. Yes, I keep hoping and hoping that eventually this will happen. When I think of what is sexy, I don't think "mystery" per se, so...

( . . . continued from previous) When we reached the compound again, the event had started. Everything was covered in special colored lights and gourds. Everything was fancy. Our host had told us that people were paying $200 per person to get into this thing. They were serving martinis with pot...

This weekend. Holy shit. It was weird. A lot of good, a little bad, and just a ton going on. Friday night, I had a chastity date with Rider. We went to our darkest neighborhood restaurant/bar and got nachos and margaritas. We miraculously got seats at the bar during happy hour, which meant that...

Thanks, Kevin. :)

( . . . continued from previous) At some point, Dustin was talking about something he likes to do in the spring, and he said, "If we're still together when spring rolls around . . . " and I just felt a profound sadness. It led us to talking more about the whole situation and the bottom line is...

Last night with Dustin was pretty good. He picked me up from work and we went to Trader Joe's. As we got there, the clouds were really crazy and it was getting kind of close to sunset, so he wanted to go up to the roof level of the parking garage and look around. Turns out you can see all the...

I just had a little blast from the past. Rider and I were vaguely discussing how NYE might work, and I was suddenly hit all at once by memories of our first holiday season together. How first he had ditched me for our Xmas plans, just weeks before the date, to appease Claire, after I'd already...

Y'know. Dustin has said the same exact thing. He said that anytime anyone gives emphatic negative-tinged advice that you didn't ask for, it's because they're projecting and it's something they should be telling themselves instead.

( . . . continued from previous) It occurs to me that I haven't spent a lot of time in this blog lately talking about what people other than myself are up to. Rider has been busily going to poly meetups and making new friends there and other places. He has so many new friends, most of whom I...

Yesterday was my "adulting" day. I planned to get my oil changed, deep-clean my apartment, and look into refinancing my credit card debt to 0% cards. I managed to get the first two done, at least, before it got too late. Right after work, I was famished, so I needed to stop and get a snack...