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Thanks, everyone, for the book recommendations, commiseration, suggestions, and support. I'll definitely get the books and check them out pretty soon. I actually already bought Come As You Are a while back and started reading it, but then I lost my Kindle for a while. Coincidentally, I just...

I have not yet. Honestly, I was hoping that poly/variety would solve the problem, and it is only now—when I have reached that point with my husband AND I have an additional partner and the problem remains—that I am considering it. Before I thought "desire for variety is natural and will fix it"...

Adapted from my blog post: An ongoing issue throughout my adult and sexual life is this: I have no idea how to sustain sexual desire for a person past NRE. I warn each maybe-longterm partner of this early on, but each partner thinks that their cock will be the magic bullet that will kill the...

Last night was mostly uneventful. I sat outside and waited for trick-or-treaters, wearing my animal hat to be festive. Rider decided at the last minute that he wasn't recovered enough to go to the street festival, so he eventually joined me. We sat there for about two hours but got only five...

Thanks for this. It is helpful to know that I am not alone in having experienced something like this, and also to know that my description of it made sense to someone. :) RIGHT?! How is that even possible? But it totally seems to happen, more than could be attributed to coincidence. Maybe...

Last night was blissful. Dustin and I went to the Japanese market and got stuff to make homemade sushi and miso soup. We even made wasabi from powder. I'm so proud of the results that I wanted to share a picture. It's a spicy tuna roll, a scallop roll, and a roll with both! The miso soup was the...

( . . . continued from previous) Rider woke up feeling sick. He'd been sick on Thursday but thought he kicked it on Friday, but it came back Sunday morning with a vengeance. We had a concert to attend Sunday night, so until it was time to go, we just laid around eating food and watching TV...

I'm trying to carve out a few moments from work right now to update on my weekend. Work is sooooo busy still! I did manage to get caught up on everything before I left for my three-day weekend, but having taken a day off, of course I am buried again. I'll give the semi-abbreviated version . . ...

I mean, it's not exactly like that. It's not like I have been sitting there weighing the pros and cons of them being together and condescendingly decided to "allow the relationship to continue." A relationship is not a tap that some master hand turns on or off. The entire situation changed (in...

Wow, the universe really wanted you to be a mom! Sounds like your kids are amazing. I hope that I have it so good if I do decide to go that direction. :D

Thank you for ALL of this! I swear, you—and nearly all of you here—make me feel so sane and supported and understood sometimes. If I were to just listen to my friends (mostly Oona) and family, and sometimes even my partners, I would often feel like a deranged basket case who is doing everything...

( . . . continued from previous) In addition to the talking and agreeing to seek a counselor, we also decided to adopt Tinwen's suggestion and look into tantra (we'll probably try to find a book) and just focusing more love and attention on each other when we are together. Oona BLEW UP at me...

IP and Confused, thank you so much for your input. It's really, really helpful to know that even though this stuff is tough, I'm at least not alone in it. And on the Oona stuff . . . I was really thinking about it (among a million other things) in the shower this morning, and I realized...

Bolstered by the support of y'all, I had the butting out conversation with Oona. It's actually her birthday, so it was not ideal, but she instigated it. This is what I ended up saying: Her response: "I'm not going to upset you by writing more, but just NO to this. No. NO. No." And my response...

Whether I owe anyone anything or not, one thing I definitely don't want is to be an asshole. And it's a delicate balance right now. It's a (perhaps involuntary but nevertheless) dick move to be making the ground under Rider's feet tremble so much, so soon after our wedding. But I'm not sure what...

She really does have very strong opinions about what I "should" be doing. I know she tries to advise me because she loves me and has known me a long time, and she sees patterns in my behavior that she thinks she sees solutions to. But I'd honestly rather be the author of my own misery and do...

So, I basically did this Monday, to mixed results. I canceled my concert plans for tonight, telling Rider that I needed a night home alone. And, after we talked over dinner last night about a bunch of this stuff, I told him that I think I might need to start scheduling myself some alone time...

PinkPig, we decided to actually go over that last night after dinner, and he said that it's actually nothing that article can help. The underlying issue is that he's (understandably) freaked out about my reconsidering my reproductive choices, and he won't be able to feel fully secure in the...

( . . . continued from previous) But it's true that we are all somewhat miserable. I've been having thoughts of suicide today, even, which is incredibly out of character for me. But I just feel so STUCK. I'm either going to hurt one of them or both of them, eventually. It seems inevitable. So...

So, Dustin fooled around with someone for the first time since we've been together. It happened on the night that he lied to me about being asleep the next morning, or at least, I think he was lying. He was definitely awake at 8:30, which was about an hour before I talked to him, because Pete...