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Self care...self care...self care... I say it a lot, but honestly that's what I've been clinging too you might say. I thought a lot about the state of things. It's hard to let go of behaviors that I admit are just me trying to control the situation and get the responses I want from other...

Mist and I got into our first semi room mate argument. Nothing serious, but our first hissy fit. It was more comical than anything else, but we resolved it. It was over being practical versus the apartment looking "ghetto." She doesn't want plastic wrap on the windows and I kept saying I don't...

So... Bear had quite a bit to say when he finally made it over to my place. I won't post all the details here, but short story is, his health issue is scaring him a lot more than he has previously admitted too and things in his home life are not going well. Turns out his wife has been a lot...

Struggling. Badly. But proud of myself. I had just finished eating breakfast (homemade!) :cool: and grief set in. Grief over a lot of things. Normally I'd curl up and neglect myself. I looked in the mirror through the tears and said "screw you depression. If I'm going to lay in bed and cry...

@Starlight - thank you for your kind encouragement @Reverie - I'm not sure it has fully sunken in for me yet, but I think it's happening slowly. -- I feel sick this morning. Bear texted last night he was coming up to see me. I just texted back "ok." I got caught up on what I "should" be doing...

I am proud of myself. It's hard not to cave in and obsess over Bear. I've significantly reduced contact with him and have not been following our rituals. The past few nights have been tough. And I admit, it's like going through withdrawal. I really opened up to Dock and Mist about what's going...

Took a stand for myself last night. Told Bear that I can't take the relationship the way it is anymore. No I didn't end it. I don't know what's going to come of it. But I refuse to keep torturing myself. One more step for acceptance But it hurts. It hurts like you wouldn't believe. But...

You are definitely not alone. I wondered all day today why I chose such unhealthy people in my life today. Crying is awful, but so necessary. I'm so sick of my own tears. It's so wonderful you're so open here. Reading this stuff is very helpful and I thank you again.

Saw Bear today, finally, after a long 21 days. He's sick. His health issue is worse then I thought. He didn't want to freak me out by not telling me the full scale of the issue - and I totally understand why. However, I did mention that from now on, I'd rather him be fully transparent with me...

Feeling second sucks. And broken trust is tough to deal with. I feel the same way about my Master a lot. In fact, called him out today on things he's promised me and then fails to fulfill. You can't "get through to someone". They are going to be who they are, the question is is how much chance...

Dock and I had lunch, dinner, and breakfast...and yeah you know the drill by now. We had an incredible time lately. The company took us out and showed us several major systems we have both always wanted to see and we learned so much. We were swimming in our knowledge and couldn't stop talking...

So inspiring and heartwarming. Inspiring! That's wonderful :)

Dock and I have started riding together in the same car at work and having almost all meals together. It's like I have a work husband :D Really enjoy his company more and more every day. His intelligence is so refreshing. And his laughter is contagious - and we laugh a lot. Our shift was pretty...

Definitely not right away (or maybe so!), I'm considering throwing my hat in the dating ring and seeing whats out there. But here's the thing. My self esteem is bad. Not even going to dance around the issue. I don't have a very high self image of myself. So...curious as to how people here have...

Its amazing how life work's in baby steps. I've gone from not being able to walk up steps, to walking 5 miles easily in 3 years. I've gone from not knowing a thing about business, too helping launch 5 buildings in my current job in less then 2. I've made many new friends and slowly...

I am so sorry :(

I love your honesty. Thanks for sharing your stories. Looking forward to reading more.

Just saying - nice reads. Looking forward to reading more :)

Got rid of a big piece of drama today. I finally told my family what I really thought. I was diplomatic. I could've been a bit more nicer on some issues. Basically, if they want something, they are all over me. And when I don't give them what they want, they are all about guilt trips. I finally...

I have decided today that enough is enough. No more drama, no more excessive worrying, no more bull shit. I've made the mistake of putting my life on hold for L. And I'm not going to do that anymore. I have tried to build my plans around him and ask for his input, everything I thought a...