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The more I read people's blogs, the more I realize there is so much better out there. Dock talked to me last night. He really tried to help me understand that the world is full of drama and that relationships come and go. He said so many things I needed to hear. He's 8 years younger than me to...

I'm feeling very discouraged today. Very. I just don't see anything working out. I feel despair about everything, not just my career, but my relationship with L, everything.. It's just been so hard, dealing with the dizzying highs and the crushing lows. I've eliminated a lot of drama in my...

Thanks Leetah! I'll keep that in mind. -- Interesting development with L. He's going to come out to his parents/family about his poly ways. I don't know why the sudden change. I think it has to do with his health issue. He hasn't been to work for over a month (he's got paid leave ATM). I was...

I'm struggling a lot with my own mental health issues - and in fact, went through hell today feeling like I burden other people. The "should have, would have, could have.." list is a bitch to deal with. The only consolation I can offer you is that you are not alone in this struggle and there...

How is it that you can feel on top of the world for days at a time and then suddenly get hit with paralyzing depression? My emotions were crazy today. A few triggers set them off, but to feel the amount of despair I felt was unsettling. It makes it hard to trust my own instincts when stuff...

Its been amazing at the job site. I'm learning to run multiple departments at work - and that I still have a lot to learn about management and keeping a cool head. Still, what I have done is remarkable and I'm giving myself immense credit for it. I've formed partnerships with a lot of people who...

Great post. Really resonated with me because I'm going through some of the same things and even the same goals! Haven't been as disciplined with my food diary, but definitely with you on the exercise things. You've asked some of the same questions that have been spinning around in my head too...

Crazy day today. Running around and taking care of mundane everyday things I keep neglecting. I spent time with my son and unfortunately (and fortunately), my family. I blew a quarter of a tank of gas in one day. Damn. I treated myself to a pedi and manicure. Should post a picture, but I got a...

Came home temporarily and met up with L. The sex was incredible. So passionate and plenty of BDSM time. He was super affectionate and tender, a nice deviation from the normal intensity. We both missed each other greatly over the last two weeks. I finally talked to him about a few more things...

Work was terrific. Really let myself just enjoy my work and not worry about the emotional battle front at home. Been reading a lot of the blogs, some more than others. They have been really inspirational. The last few days have been...difficult, but a few lines from people's blogs really got me...

His health issue flared badly, and we didn't talk much for the last few days. Then, out of the blue, he calls me in the afternoon. This isn't...normal. We normally talk in the morning, and low and behold I hear his wife talking in the background! Normally she doesn't like it when he talks to me...

Hard me to share, but maybe this might help someone else going through this: From my journal: Caught myself! I'm looking for love and validation. Why? I'm scared of being abandoned. I'm very scared of being abandoned. Why am I so scared of that? What so horrible if I have to face the world...

I'm doing it again. I have my guard up so high. L called. We talked for a good hour and a half. He sounded so down and negative that it brought me down a couple of pegs. Told him this - he seemed surprised. I cheered up the conversation by talking about the shenanigans going on at my new job...

Got in my morning exercise. 2.5 miles. Just hit the pool for laps because I was thinking a lot. Found out my brother is going to have a child and I found out a lot about my parents. Things were really bad but it looks like my Aunt has really stolen the show taking care of them. That story is a...

Achieved my goal of 5 miles today! Feeling quite a bit better :)

I slept a lot today. At least 12 hours. Around 2 am, I walked 2.6 miles. Going to finish the night with another 2.5 miles and make it a nice 5. Trying to increase my exercise to help with my anxiety and lose my weight. Eating all the junk I've been doesn't help. But will work on that later...

BUT it's a part of how you are, like breathing. I think I know what you mean. I don't think that's a part of me I can eliminate, only learn to cope and control.

Haven't read all if this yet, but I just wanted let you know that this has really been helpful for me. I don't feel so alone in a lot if struggles.

His health issue is "flaring" and of course, I feel the familiar "OH MY GOD LET ME BE NEAR YOU" response. Fact of the matter is, even if we were in the greatest of relationships, I'm 4-5 hours away and limited funds. Working on keeping my heart rate down and not focusing on the negative. I'm...

One thing I've been really working on is my clinginess. I've become very clingy over the years. I didn't even realize it. And realizing I AM clingy is painful. I see that as weak. I'm afraid of being seen as weak. But that is faulty thinking. We all have weaknesses and this happens to be...