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I'm so glad to hear that problem's sorted out, and I hope you don't have to interact with her much more. (Also, the nerve of her!)

SC, do you have a sense of whether he feels that guys are more threatening to him (e.g., likelier to display some sort of aggression or hostility toward him)? That guys are more threatening to you and that he's worried about your physical or emotional safety? That guys are more of a threat to...

Marcus, thanks-- that first part makes sense to me. Presumably a person has more motivation to overcome the societal assumptions that aren't working for them than the ones that cause them no difficulty. I don't love self-interest as a motivator, but I understand it. I think the broad sweeping...

Graviton, maybe this is just something I don't get because I'm mono-- But if you're poly, don't you already have a fair bit of societal programming to shake off, in order to live the way that suits you best? What is the problem with that "intimacy" between ends of a MFM Vee who "rarely even...

I am so sorry you're hurting, YouAreHere. Many gentle thoughts coming your way.

Maybe, even though you are saying, "This is the relationship style that works best for me," they perceive you as saying, "This is the relationship style that works best"-- hearing judgment where you in fact aren't offering any. Or they might wonder why you think it's their business, if you're...

The analogy makes sense to me. It's not that poly itself is so much riskier than mono (though it may seem that way to those of us who have always been mono without difficulty). It's that big life changes can be destabilizing stressors on a relationship, and they can also highlight problems that...

Reckoning/Revelling Listening to Ani DiFranco's double album Reckoning/Revelling (2001) again today, it sounded like the chronicle of a poly/mono relationship that hasn't been entirely ironed out yet (though perhaps that's mere projection?). The song "whatall is nice" sounds like it's about...

Ouch. I'm so sorry. I'm bi, and although I'm one of those bi people who can only handle being partnered with one person at a time, it is really awful that people who ought to know better are blaming you for "upholding" a stereotype that you didn't invent. Respectability politics stink. *offers...

I learned a useful thing about my own insecurity, both in the time he was away and in the reflection I've done in the few weeks since. Namely, it doesn't help me feel secure to be in a position where I'm financially dependent on him. I want to be able to agree to polyship because, even though...

I find happiness and meaning in gathering together to talk about spirituality and ethics, in singing together, in sharing joys and concerns with each other, and in reading and talking about texts, biblical or not. And when I experimented with not going to church in college, I missed it. There...

I hear you, Kevin. My reasons for wanting to stay and change things are selfish, though. My parents are both retired ministers (well, my mom is only semi-retired). If at some point Xicot decides that he wants to be out, at least as far as family is concerned, and we're still together, I want to...

Althaus-Reid is dead. She doesn't want anything. But when she was alive, she wanted to reform the church to better suit it to the lives of people it purported to represent. I respect that decision as much as I respect the decision of people who would prefer not to have anything to do with an...

In reply to Magdlyn: Althaus-Reid uses the word "indecent" to refer to the many people who don't fit into the fairly narrow categories of sexuality that the church has termed "decent" (either celibacy or monogamous heterosexual marriage)-- herself included-- and she doesn't mean it as an...

I'm a practicing (liberal) Christian. Xicot, who is an atheist and humanist, asked me, "Do you think you would be poly if it weren't for the God thing?" I thought about that for a while. My reasons for being mono mostly have to do with the way my attention works (hyper-focused on what's in front...

Xicot is away for a long weekend across the country at a event aimed at fostering community among skeptics, atheists, and agnostics. He was initially planning to share a room at this event with Sunrise-- a friend he met at a conference and fell for via e-mail-- before she decided that she didn't...

I think the study itself is much more interesting and nuanced than the Huffpo blog post describing it. For instance, in the study itself, I didn't read Anderson as agreeing with the idea that emotional infidelity was more inherently destabilizing to a monogamous relationship than sexual...

I read an article recently in which researcher Eric Anderson interviewed a number of college-aged men who were in ostensibly monogamous heterosexual relationships of at least 2 years' duration (past the NRE stage). Almost all of the interviewees expressed a desire to have sex with people other...

Xicot and I met in elementary school. He and I were close friends for well over a decade before we started dating. We didn't discover that we were attracted to each other until long after discovering that we have overlapping interests and tastes and compatible goals.

That is so beautifully stated. Self-knowledge is a great thing. We might not know each other, but I wish you all the best in whatever you decide is best for you.