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I am not denying her experience. She simply flatly said there was no white privilege. I told her she's wrong. Many white people never want to admit that white privilege, on a SYSTEMIC level in America and other colonized western nations is a thing. What I am talking about is criminal justice...

Yes, I was just speaking to the Black America experience, which is mine, when the other poster tried to say that she didn't believe it was true.

You did the ethical thing... and IMHO in the end that is always the right choice. You guys seem suited for poly, but perhaps not kink, if I am understanding this correctly. If you cannot do both, with his ability to see other partners in the D/s dynamic, then that dynamic needs to be disbanded...

I think you have a pretty good handle... on what you want/need. You already have half the battle fought when you realize that opening a relationship when it isn't solid isn't a good thing. Bringing in MORE people just complicates things further, and you don't need that when you are trying to...

Sounds Sketchy No thanks, and from other responses, it seems that this "researcher" leaves out polyamorous relationships altogether. And who knows what they'll do with the information? Waste of time, and exploitative to boot. No thanks.

No. I knew I could love more than one person as a teenager. Even in my first, very young relationships, I felt stifled and miserable and I would simultaneously care for the person I was with but also for others. I just had been socialized into monogamy and viewed that as wrong/cheating. So I was...

I never said polyamory is a movement. And whether or not it is a movement has NOTHING to do with my personal life experience. I am oriented to be this way, and nothing you say will make me believe otherwise. Again, who the hell are you to define the lives and experiences of someone you don't...

when we say "privilege," we're talking about institutional, SYSTEMIC oppression. If you are white, male, straight, or a member of ANY majority group, you have privilege that the rest of us who are members of oppressed minorities do not have. For instance, as a white guy, you are a lot less...

It is not a choice for me. You don't get to define that for other people.

I think your male privilege is coloring your views here.

Maybe everyone is different. I'm also a member of 5 minority groups living in the deep south, so discrimination is the story of my life, so I am sure that, along with a gay bashing back in 2004, shapes my feelings here. I do know that monogamous relationships make me just as miserable as I'd...

While what you say is true, it is also true that the sort of brute forcing of gay people in straight marriages, etc is the reason our community has such a high suicide rate, and why so-called "conversion therapy" is often responsible for said suicides. So, IMO, it might be a choice, but it is a...

The first mistake was her not telling you about her poly status and existing arrangement upfront. That is literally one of the first things I tell people when they show any interest at all. It's a deal breaker for a lot of people. Since you are new to poly, firstly, I think it is good you have...

This is exactly what I was hoping to find in this thread. Thank you. For one thing, after this last, most recent disaster, I am TOTALLY done with dating anyone who just wants to try it because she likes me enough, or with people who are terribly inexperienced, period. Prior to this last...

It is definitely not a choice for me. When I was younger, before I discovered that polyamory was an option, that there were others out there like me, I was a serial monogamist, of sorts. I feel stifled in monogamous relationships. I get annoyed, frustrated, I feel unfulfilled and empty. It's an...

I am very interested to hear how you guys work through this. I think everyone is different. I just got out of a relationship with a mono woman, and this was the main issue (granted, there were A LOT of other issues with her, but this one was a recurring thorn from beginning to end). I think...

Tell Them Right Away. Seriously. Some monogamous people are outright offended by the idea of polyamory. Also, be wary of those who would lie to get their hooks into you (that recently happened to me). Make sure they understand that this is how you are living, and go from there. They'll either...

When people reference "white privilege" we're not diminishing the hardships of white or white passing people. We're talking about the systemic racism that people of color experience as a result of the legacy of slavery, Jim Crow, continued voter suppression, mass incarceration, employment...

I understand your husband feeling selfish. We live in a society that says that anything other than monogamy = fear of commitment, selfishness, etc. I am glad you are willing to work through this with him. However, I do implore you to have a serious conversation with yourself about this...