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A tiny bit of discomfort crept into my head as I slept last night. I woke with mildly unpleasant thought about M and I. My head, my silly head wanted to go there, to plunge into problems, to drag out the past, to make a big deal out of nothing. Thoughts: Because she slept with someone else...

@ New Today. I am really happy this worked for you too. The power of TEA to turn me around in a few days is still unbelievable to me, but it works. @ Mo: The dilemma? See, that's what I was doing, totally conflicted. Trying to be nice with all this bullshit in my head. Get it out of your head...

Sounds like you're on the right track Mo. Find out what your core belief is, how that obsession got triggered and deal with it. It is very painful but use TEA on it you can obliterate the power of the thing within days. If she has agreed to do counselling the only thing really broken about your...

Good stuff. It was discussed the other night, M said in the last year I've come a huge distance. The past 4 months have been the real deal though. When I met M I was a pretty dedicated science hermit and anti-social due to loss of a business and then savings in the stockmarket bla bla. Really, I...

Thank you once again Kevin. it still feels wierd baring myself so, but there's a few people being helped by this plus myself so its worth it. I've been really sore/hurt/obsessed this morning. Nothing was helping till M said she'd take me into uni for a bit of a library foray later. THIS IS...

Things are improving for me yes. It feels like I'm stuck on a loop track a bit as I keep coming back to those core beliefs. 'I'm not good enough'. 'I'm not good enough' fuels the obsession. It is perfect fuel for obsession it disguises itself as honest intent (I'll improve) but it's all...

Thanks Kevin. I like the circle of influence, circle of concern concept. A good model and simple to sketch out and see. Really, my job now is to learn to make myself happy. If M sticks around so be it, if she doesn't, so be it. The fact is I can cause myself misery if she is 'with me' or not...

First some shorthand, so hopefully you'll see the links, or lack of links more clearly. 1 = primary emotional response 2 = secondary emotional response (also known as obsession). 1a = image attached to 1 2b = Beliefs attached to 2 -> = leading to, attached to or causing 1 is the underlying...

OK mobetterblues, I am here for you. That was the shortest 'dumped' I've ever had. We just had sex twice, now she's gone home to study. But... REALITY!!! She was in love with me but I kept being emo. Now I am not in good graces, and any more emo stuff and she'll be gone for good. Feelings are...

The TEA is fromcognitive Behavioural Therapy. It is Thoughts, Errors, Analysis. I just got dumped. She says she doesn't love me the way I love her and she feels guilty encouraging me. My obsession finally destroyed the thing I was obsessing about. M is still my friend but I am devastated at the...

Walking is good for thought, and I just spent some time with my thoughts on all this. The obsession, I now realise, is made up of a lot of stuff. It is giving beyond giving. Many people know what I'm talking about, loving too much. The danger is that in giving giving giving a snapping point is...

Obsession, I've been examining the psychology of it in the hopes to unravel it. I go through extreme pain at times, am in it now, when I don't know exactly what's going on, this is sick. So, obsession. Let's examine how dark this shit gets, in the hope of some light. My obsession with M is...

Originally Posted by Questioning Thoughts: M got drunk and fucked someone last night, therefore, what we have is broken. This is just your paranoia making up worst case scenarios, right? Slaps hand - "Stop that!" :D Oh yes, it's silly paranoia, and worth it (for me) to challenge the...

Thank you for the excellent feedback. It feels strange baring myself like this, but other members have done the same and helped me. Also, although sharing my thoughts is honesty, when the thoughts are exposed they are often absolute rubbish :D - the 'honesty' is falsified. SO, which way is up...

That's good food for thought Kevin. The TEA has created rapid changes in my thinking, and subsequently feelings, again. I have made an appointment to see a counsellor to join a CBT group she might set me up with. CBT is the umbrella TEA belongs to. The stuff is working so well for me, I am...

Thanks Kevin Yes stress and workload have certainly played their part, and luckily this has been acknowledged by both parties. Today we got an hour or so and got to talk. I still get to see her but I'm in the dogbox. There's only so much of a stupid behaviour one can take, and so I have been...

I did the TEA exercises, and they worked! I was really good, M noticed it - "it's like when we first met again", my friends noticed it "you're a lot more upbeat lately" and my marks noticed it - straight A's. What was most important of course is that I noticed it. I really began to feel good...

Thanks for that AC. I am slowly introducing polyamory to M, and have been gleaning stories for her to read. Our lives are incredibly busy right now so I am just letting it be as is, with nothing but encouragement. Definately want M to be able to read of and meet other polyamorous folks so she...

Thanks for the links kdt - halfway through second one now. I believe like many others that jealousy is a secondary emotion, and for me insecurity and fear underly jealousy, and the course these stem from the base fear - I am not enough, therefore I will not be loved. I woke with more...

I love you people already. So this is your secret, you're all so damn nice everyone falls in love with you. Foiled! ;) Thank you for the nice comments. It's not all sweetness and light here, but the balance has shifted considerably. Yesterday was sheer bliss, last night I wake in an...