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How long did they date? What about an agreement to let the ex enter as a secondary after you two have been dating as long as they did? If that seems too long, maybe wait just a year or so, giving your own relationship time to get established. I generally like having at least 6 months between...

While they're sleeping around, is anyone getting tested? Are you doing anything with them that could endanger your health if they're not being responsible?

What about abstinence from PIV sex while enjoying everything else, as others have mentioned? Is that something Ken and Kensi would be comfortable with for the duration of their relationship? Your feelings don't make you a bad person. While it would be ideal to have known and stated your...

I can understand the caution around pregnancy with partners outside a marriage. Custody issues are complicated enough within monogamous settings. Even between my wife and me, when we were at a point where we didn't want kids for a few years, we considered me getting a vasectomy and freezing...

One short book you might enjoy is What Does Polyamory Look Like?: Polydiverse Patterns of Loving and Living in Modern Polyamorous Relationships by Mim Chapman. It details a number of poly relationship styles. You can check out a kindle sample on amazon.

It's the same for Ginko. When she came across the term demisexual it fit fairly well, meeting two people that really interest her in the last ~5 years, marrying one (me) and dating the other for 1.5 years so far. As for loving people without dating them, I've experienced that with a few...

I personally wouldn't feel like I was dating someone if there weren't a sexual aspect. I'd see them as a friend. But I do know poly people with multiple people they consider partners, some they even live with, while not having sex with any of them. Does your husband's co-worker know he/you are...

I can't imagine dating anyone that dislikes my wife. It simply wouldn't work. Even if they were respectful but simply didn't want to be around her, it wouldn't work. Luckily I've yet to have to deal with this as people I like also like Ginko, at least as a good friend.

Have you and your husband agreed on what counts as sexual intimacy and what doesn't? For some people that might be limited to PIV sex with everything else being up for grabs, for others it could be a foot rub or anything you'd feel odd about a babysitter doing with your child.

Be on a date as well, either with yourself or someone else. It's much easier to be ok with things if you're also having a good time in the moment. Ginko and I try to mostly see other people when our schedule would have kept us from seeing each other anyhow. If we're both free and another...

Most of the people on OKC that are a high match% for me are poly or ok with open relationships because I've made it a high priority in my questions answered. I've been lucky to have a strong poly community locally where I can meet people, but I've also met a few through OKC. When I message...

If you're also friends with her, are you able to talk with her? Maybe talk about scheduling directly with her. It's not mean to try finding a way that she can continue seeing your husband, and if you don't find a way to get some alone time with him one of you may no longer be seeing him.

Drop by your local planned parenthood and ask. I called one and over the phone they said no but said if I came by in person they could refer me. When I showed up they said insurance wouldn't cover it but that as long as I paid cash (~$300 per shot) they could do it. I don't know how common this...

Ginko and I have been together almost 5 years now, marrying with the intention of seeing if polyamory was something that would work for us, as it's a work in progress that we've discussed since our first date. Ginko has been seeing someone for about a year and a half now, and I'm seeing two...

Current rules, which are far looser than they were at the beginning: Get tested before proceeding beyond hand jobs. Try to have time with new partners primarily either be shared with time spent with other partners, or be when other partners are unavailable. The former is much easier when...

I imagine the mental health benefits only carry over if pregnancy doesn't result ;-)

As others have said so well, solve this BEFORE getting married, not after. Getting married won't make this any easier, it will just increase the consequences, and being polyamorous won't necessarily help your sex life. Polyamory will bring its own problems, so you'll need to be good at resolving...

Things are still moving along. New work and school schedules have made it challenging for Ginko and I to see much of each other except on weekends, freeing up time to see other people. Neither of us would let other relationships take so much time from our own, but we're putting up with it for...

To me, watching/appreciating people is part of enjoying one's surroundings. Asking someone not to do so would be similar to expecting them to not enjoy the wind in their hair or the smell of food coming from the kitchen when you're talking to them.

As already addressed to a degree, one plus I see to letting her try making friends with you is that communication on what's ok and where things are going would have a better chance of being clear. She could hear directly from you how things are going and vise versa. The current problem seems to...