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  1. CielDuMatin

    Experiences with FB or FWB only

    The original thread title: Experiences with FB or FWB only (the use of "only" caught my eye - not "in addition to other relationships"). In the text, the OP specifically said that it was about "keeping outside involvements limited only to "sex (f**k) buddies" or "friends with benefits"...
  2. CielDuMatin

    Experiences with FB or FWB only

    Well, I fear you may be looking in the wrong place (although I may be surprised). This is a forum about polyamory, which is usually focused on the romantic relationship aspect, rather than the sexual aspect (although it's not without sometimes vast quantities of sex). The normal terms I hear...
  3. CielDuMatin

    OK cupid question

    "Available" can also mean "married and cheating" - it's always worth finding out exactly what that means for the individual, before assuming. :)
  4. CielDuMatin

    The Rise of PolyPhony

    Can't say I'm surprised at the issues with the family not agreeing - if you remember it was something I mentioned quite a while ago - independent people are the best, if they are going to be "out" to their families and their families may not agree - otherwise you are risking the visit from the...
  5. CielDuMatin

    Hi, it's Natalia, creator of Showtime's "Polyamory: Married & Dating"

    I'm curious as to whether the OP will ever come back and read these answers...
  6. CielDuMatin

    Wanting to Transition from Mono to Poly

    I'd like to add my welcome. The transition can be very difficult - at least you have got *some* positive feedback from him. You didn't mention this in your intro, but is your interest in having a relationship with other men, or women? If it's only women you are interested in, then your way...
  7. CielDuMatin

    I'm so happy I could burst!

    Congratulations on your progress so far. It sounds like you have both learned a ton of stuff about what you do and don't want. Poly itself as a dynamic can be tough to adjust to - when that includes such things as d/s it gets vastly more complicated, due to exactly the issues that you talk...
  8. CielDuMatin

    We need help?

    I am someone that gets a lot out of being face to face with people - I can "read" them (although that sounds terribly analytic). I don't really want the pressure of meeting up with someone with an expectation that sparks will fly - it feels too forced to me. I would much rather have a social...
  9. CielDuMatin

    A few words on prejudice

    I more often get the "Well, if it works for you..." but done in such a dismissive tone that's it's one of those "I don't agree with it, but I don't want to know any more about it, so please stop talking about it." It feels sort of passive-aggressive to me. I have had a few people be rather...
  10. CielDuMatin

    Bonjourno

    Is this just about the sexual aspect? Perhaps I am misreading what you wrote, but it seems that way to me. If so, you may find more answers on a site devoted to swinging, since that is primarily about the sex. Do you have a desire or capability to fall in love with another person? While sex...
  11. CielDuMatin

    Re-start after potential metamour talks smack...

    People look at things through their own filters, and often with their own agendas. Often it has no reflection on your reality. Hard as it may be to do - moving on is best.
  12. CielDuMatin

    Does putting the needs of your primary partner first come naturally to you?

    I totally agree, which is why I never consider using those terms without some sort of explanation (as I did here). I would much rather have different words to distinguish between them - I got my definitions from a Franklin Veaux piece on the subject, by the way -...
  13. CielDuMatin

    May not poly after all

    Glad I could help - this is why I have an issue with folks talking about finding someone to "complete them". To me that smacks of a desire for dependence (or worse, codependence) because if interdependence is the goal, then each individual is already complete. The same goes for couples looking...
  14. CielDuMatin

    Will trying an open relationship enhance our relationship or endanger it?

    "Cheating" is breaking the established rules of something. Your boyfriend and you make the rules of what your relationship is - nobody has any right to tell you what you should, or shouldn't have in your rules. You have discussed it, and he has consented wholeheartedly. Therefore you would...
  15. CielDuMatin

    Advice on Sex parties and boundaries

    Sorry to split hairs with you, but no, he's not. He lied to you once about something that was very important to you. That is not "honest to a fault". Saying he is not a liar because he only lied once.... so someone who steals only one car isn't a thief? Someone who is in a monogamous...
  16. CielDuMatin

    Comfort Zone

    I definitely agree - there is often too much pressure to "push the limits" and folks are put down if they do not wish to. I have certain things in life where I do want to try new things - I learned to SCUBA dive and am really enjoying visiting various Caribbean islands and learning more about...
  17. CielDuMatin

    Does putting the needs of your primary partner first come naturally to you?

    While I have a live-in partner (a primary) and a remote partner (a secondary), as I have said many times on this forum before, that is not a ranking about their importance as people or in my life, it is merely a reflection of the practical day-to-day of our lives. If I make a commitment to one...
  18. CielDuMatin

    May not poly after all

    A lot of it comes from the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, the idea that there is a growth continuum from Dependance (and it's associated Codependance) through Independence to Interdependence. "We all start out life as babies completely dependent on our parents or other person to take...
  19. CielDuMatin

    May not poly after all

    There is a feeling of deja vu going on here - and I think that Marcus was involved in this discussion the last time, too... Because in addition to dependence, codependence and independence, which have been discussed here, there is the concept of interdependence. This idea that being in a...
  20. CielDuMatin

    Advice on Sex parties and boundaries

    Well, different people do things different ways, of course, but let me see if I can rephrase to become clearer. A relationship is an agreement. Part of an agreement are terms and conditions. (What some people refer to as "rules" and "boundaries".) These are negotiated as part of the...
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