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Not sure if this helps, but I would like to just use some slightly different terminology to illustrate your relationship. He is completely sure that he wants to have sex with other people than you. This sounds like something that he absolutely needs, it's a show-stopper or a bottom line to...

Life is full of negotiations and compromises - we don't always get 100% of what we want. As long as your needs (your "bottom line") are being met, and are willing to negotiate in the "wants" department, then I don't think that anybody has the right to say that you are wrong. For you, living...

If I may give you a word of advice, if you think that this is a possibility, don't wait until he is in the throws of a loving emotion. Because then he is in the throws of all sort of disruptive stuff that will cloud the mind and the judgement, and you will be not be in the best mood to deal...

I definitely agree - I've been to a few get-togethers where it was fairly obvious that a first-timer was looking to hook up - not a comfortable situation. Best not to go to a get-together with that motive. However, if you are looking to get to know poly folk, maybe make friends with them, and...

Have you gone to any local poly get-togethers? That can be far less hit-or-miss than OKCupid - most of them are really intended as a social no-pressure environment, but at least everyone there is poly...

This is definitely worth examining, because it narrows the field tremendously. You have to remember that this would create an unequal dynamic, since we can't give her all his attention and room - he has you! So you are again restricting the number of folks to those that would be happy with...

I have incredible amounts of sympathy for those that are unhappily married and can't be poly, but that doesn't mean that I am going to have a relationship with them. And there is no such thing as "can't" get divorced. It *is* a choice. It may well be that they have evaluated the...

Well, one of my current partners, lovefromgirl, was single when we met, so it's definitely possible, yes. If I may ask, why does your husband have the requirement that she be single? Are there certain attributes of a single person that he cannot find in someone that already has a partner, or...

Welcome to the forum both of you! LOL You are most definitely not the first person who has had to ask themselves whether they are poly or just looking for others because their relationship is bad. The concept of "full on poly" is not one that will achieve a lot of resonance on here - poly is...

Welcome to the forum! It's very hard for some folks to get rid of their monogamy-based societal programming. Even though they may have agreed to be open and honest, their habits don't reflect that. That is hard to change. The poly dating dynamic is also very hard - finding the balance and...

Welcome to the forum. I think that most will tell you that the first thing to need to square away is the difference between you and your wife about the nature of your relationship. Have you even mentioned it to her? If so, what was her reaction? What does she think of her brother's open...

For me this whole thing comes around the progression from dependance through independence to interdependence. There are people who are quite content in each of these modes of relating to others. My preferred mode is interdependence, where I can have a select few people on whom I know I can...

For me, it's not about the quantity but the quality. :D

Realising things about this are key to help us grow. Sometimes it is re-evaluating previously-held beliefs. Realising that her being mono and you being not-mono is a big step, because it means that instead of trying to "convert her" to think like you do, you are shifting your focus towards...

To the OP: Polyamory is a very broad term, and your characterisation of the term as love without commitment reflects one specific type of polyamory, but certainly not all types. I am one of the types that can not love without commitment, but I do not require a piece of paper in order to make...

For me it doesn't matter what analogy is used, I have my own that I use - the concept of a "battery", or "spiritual battery" - I have activities that charge my battery and activities that drain them. That doesn't make them good or bad, they are what they are. But the general concept, whether...

Congratulations! Just taking that step can be very scary, but whatever the outcome, it is freeing, knowing that you can live by a set of ethics that you can be proud of. There are so many folks that are in denial of this, and live lives of lying, not happy, but thinking that there is no...

Late to this (and many other) discussions, but I definitely would like to stress that you should not be put in the middle of this. They should not be telling you anything which they wouldn't tell the other. The idea of openness and transparency is that people talk through their stuff openly...

Not just Google - anything which is made available to non logged-in folks is liable to be archived. One example of this is the Wayback Machine at http://archive.org/web/web.php - lots of resources there for history of caching - you can even go back and see previous versions of pages, even once...

The comments definitely show us what we will be up against if and when polyamory tries to become more socially acceptable. Thanks for the article.