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What I was saying was that there is a huge gulf between "poly gurus" and mad-men with axes. There are some quite reasonable guys in there who probably can "get" poly quite well who might complement your living situation well. For example, when you have to go off-island for some function it...

Some thoughts sprang up for me from another thread. Is Hugh Hefner poly? He has long-term relationships with many girls, who all know about each other and agree to the relationship style. Is his style of relationship responsible non-monogamy? I have my own opinions, but would love to hear...

This was one of the concerns that I raised wayyy back when. You may think that they are with you out of love, etc., but the imbalance of privilege is going to attract those that want a rich sugar-daddy to provide for them, buy nice things, until they find a real husband. It's just not going to...

There is a huge gulf between the two. Privilege is not only a position of superiority, but it should also be used as a position of responsibility. Based on what you have written, and what little I know of the island you are on, you are most definitely in a position of privilege there. I think...

Unless it's getting romantically involved (beyond sex) with another man, and then they are out. Doesn't sound terribly free to me, but maybe that's just me... And I don't care whether you, your partner, all your neighbours, and all the local farm animals are in favour of you doing a threesome...

If you have decided that poly is a non-negotiable "bottom line" for you, and the other person says "no poly, no way", then in some ways you are saving time by not putting energy into dating someone that is going to be ending it as soon as they find out. It is very disappointing the number of...

Since the poster hasn't come back and talked about this, I feel I need to comment based on what has been said already, and my scant knowledge of the Caribbean islands.... I have not visited the island that he lives on, but know that it is a vibrant tourist destination with a fairly strong...

Welcome to the forum Solitare. Lots of good information and good people here. Hope you find what you seek.

Well, the simple version is that it is his relationship to deal with. What you need to to is to protect yourself. If that means using condoms with John, then insist on that. Be John's friend if he wants someone to talk with. He needs to learn this lesson for himself - he's an adult and has...

Sorry, but it's going to take more than a day to get things even close to calmed down - why are you injecting more instability into this? I really would strongly advise against this, until you have your current relationship to a point where things are resolved between you. Why the busting rush...

Evan, this sounds like you have some major work to do on your relationship, especially if suicide has been mentioned. I would strongly suggest that you put any actions outside of the relationship between you and her on hold until you get things sorted out. Either with the two of you splitting...

It's a definite concern, and one that needs to be addressed with a degree of promptness and clarity. Sometimes it needs to get painfully explicit into what activities require protection and which don't. Examples would be oral and manual sex. I am going to be picky with you about the...

I think that the question was more how do you manage for money with all of you unemployed, rather than why are you all unemployed. :)

Sorry you haven't found folks in your age group at the meetups you have been to... I recommend two basic things: 1. Be patient. Keep going to the meetings. If everyone just went to one or two meetings then gives up because there is nobody in the right age-range, then there never will be... I...

I definitely think that you will get a much wider range of answers on FetLife. A lot of the dynamics that you want to set up aren't those that most poly folks will be able to relate to. Good luck with turning your fantasy into reality!

I think that that might be a great idea. I would strongly suggest that since she has to think hard to speak English, that the person you speak with be bilingual. When things are tough, it's so hard to express the nuances of feeling in a foreign language, even when fairly proficient. She needs...

Then talk to him about it. Make sure he knows that if he wants something, then he has to let you know. I am getting that impression, yes ;) It's something that caring folks do - want to think everything through to make sure that nobody is being hurt. But the more energy you expend on that...

Does that explain the disproportionate number of members from the Pacific North-West, or from England? (I just totally made that up, btw!)

Welcome to the forum. Just for the record, this is a public forum, so you don't need an account to "lurk". As far as "normal" - who cares? I am tired of people shoving their concepts of "normal" down our throats. Be who you are, and be happy. :)

Please don't assume that poly folk are automatically open-minded to other ideas. There may well be a tendency to be more open-minded, but that doesn't mean that it's a requirement. In fact I have met some extremely closed-minded poly folk often these are the so-called "One True Wayers" to...