Search results

I don't think that it's right to force "equals" onto any relationship - letting each grow at their own pace into whatever they will be is absolutely the best way to go. And, the old poly mantra - communicate - communicate your needs, wants and likes, and encourage them to communicate theirs...

A difficult situation, and I am not going to contradict the advice you have been given so far. I understand that this woman is fantastic and that you are in love with her. I understand that you are monogamous and don't want more than one person in your life. You also are sure that you don't...

I do appreciate your dilemma - loving two people and wanting to make sure that both are happy and get what they need, and making sure that the way you divide your energies is equitable. This is one of the areas where communication if vital - if you start getting into the second-guessing what...

To try to be fair, Evan isn't the first person that has come here hoping for some particular way of making someone they love change their mind when it comes to poly. Most of my work on this front was done before these sorts of fora existed, but I remember the number of nights that I lay awake...

Evan, I can understand that this is tough, but I really do think that is is the most respectful thing for both of you. It allows you both to stay true to your principles and will allow you to further refine what you need in order to be happy. Not sure if you are going to want to continue the...

This conversation (and the other thread you started) has got really rocky, I know - and I get the feeling that a lot of it comes from the different backgrounds and societies in which folks live. I have had some experience of this and am trying to work through all the assumptions and snarkiness...

So each of your rules are hard-line non-negotiables for you? In order to enter into this, you will have to agree to them and comply? The only time anyone has the right to talk about their wishes is after a certain amount of time has passed, and you trust them enough? How many of these rules...

I am glad that things have been talked-through - now it's just a question of time to see if everyone will abide by their commitments. In my experience, so many of the agreements that poly folks enter into don't have anywhere near enough detail in them. When someone does something that one...

OK, here's something else that I would suggest you think about. Several things that you have posted about what you want out of your relationships have to do with you setting up a place according to your rules - you will work out what BC should be used, you will not allow other men to live...

Folks, if I could call for a time-out here - Evan came here with questions about his relationships. Some of us (me included) took exception to his language when he describes both his current situation, his take on poly and his intended poly goal. But I think that we are starting to go...

OK, let me try a different tack for a moment.... and some of this may contain some over-generalizations.... Most of the poly women that I know wouldn't be interested in a setup like you describe. They need to feel empowered, to feel like they are seen as a true individual desires and...

Thanks for giving us more detail as to your story... So it sounds like you goal is to set up a relationship with multiple women where you are the undisputed alpha male, and any other guy who is involved has to be inferior. You will look after "your girls" and allow them to not have to worry...

Er... it was snowmelt, not me, that asked the question here - I was merely giving an opinion based on your responses in the other thread. Yes, yes, I understand what YOU want - I am asking what happens if one (or more) of the women that you have set up a home with want to include a man in the...

Well, for one thing, in the other thread you referred to poly folk as "more evolved" than mono folk. I notice that while you've answered most other posts in that thread, you have avoided the one where I commented on that. That doesn't seem terribly "open-minded" to me, to be honest, as I wrote...

LR, I can totally relate to what you wrote, here - my tolerance for anything but complete honesty has really dropped over the past few years - I have seen too many folks building "little white lies" into their lives, often justifying it because they don't want to make life complicated, but I...

I'll just start calling you "TARDIS-girl"! :D I have ranted many times about me being in the minority because I am "just poly" - I don't do SCA, am not Pagan, am not into Kink (in the traditional definition), don't really want anything that Swinging offers. Have no problem if others want...

I don't. I never have. I was trying my hardest to be monogamous and just didn't get why it could work that way. No matter what people tried to explain to me, it just didn't resonate with me. I couldn't understand why I was expected to be no longer in love with someone simply because a...

Welcome to the forum - sounds like you are busy! Love the handle - Kokopelli resonated with me when I was in Arizona. Are you a musician, by any chance?

Thanks very much for the clarification. While there will always be some sort of hierarchy when it comes to the day-to-day life decisions where those living with each other have to have some degree of priority when it comes to those decisions, it is very very hard to try to enforce a hierarchy...

Well, I tend to agree that the mindsets are very very different, but it's human nature of compare new experiences with our existing paradigms. Folks need to have information and try to fit it into their "world picture". A lot of poly folks struggle to understand mono folks - so often they will...