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This "infidelity partner" has been in the wife's life/thoughts for nine years. I guess that's good advice to cut off a partner who is not much of an emotional attachment, but clearly the wife here has an enormous attachment to her affair partner. Cutting "it" off doesn't solve anything and in...

So your GF doesn't have her husband's consent to be in a relationship with other people. Whether you and your GF think he should feel otherwise, whether they should have hammered this out long before the wedding vows, the fact remains that he no longer consents to polyamory. So if he doesn't...

I'm curious to know how many partners she'd had before you. Does she have much experience on which to draw this conclusion? Sure, she could be asexual, but could also be simply mismatched with you sexually. It's very hard to recognize that the person you adore is someone you're just not drawn...

I've found the experience to be an enormous factor in my life. It's hidden, but for me explains everything about my quirky emotional trajectory.

For life in general, this is never, ever, ever, ever, ever the path to harmony and health. Whether it's about a relationship or anything, ignoring our own needs is building on shaky ground. Trying to appease others by compromising important things for ourselves can only ever lead to conflict...

Do you mean that she wants a poly relationship for herself but not for you? Sorry, I'm having trouble understanding who wants what here.

I don't see any controlling behavior going on here, just incompatibility and resentment on both sides. Both people seem to feel wronged. Above all I see this:

Mark says: Amy perceives: Mark is clear about his boundaries and has made them plain to Amy. That seems healthy to me. Whether a prospective partner is experienced in poly or not is a very important value to be clear about. Mark greatly values poly experience among all concerned. Amy...

I seem to be woefully ill informed here. Who?

Can you explain what this is, please?

How long have you and he been together, Mono?

It's great that you're working on yourself and past traumas. Do that for yourself. You'll have that work no matter what and you'll feel so much better for it. Do trauma work for yourself. Don't do trauma work for him. Don't try to get over something thinking that will clear the way for...

Is his other lover fine with being suddenly dropped from the intimacy of overnight sex, cuddling and sleeping? That seems to be an outrageously cruel plan, assuming that she is currenty enjoying the overnights and all associated emotional intimacy. "Secondary" does not mean less important...

My Peanut Gallery conclusion is what Mags asked about earlier in the discussion: His wife prefers women, but given all of the strict religious stuff here, Wonda finds herself being married at a young age to a man. He keeps waiting for her to get over it or get on board with his offer to swing...

Which is what the OP said repeatedly in his opening post: I'm still not sure what he was looking for. ?

Re: the vid above and monogamy assuring proper family bloodlines: One glance at Ronan Farrow confirms that this ruse is a universal disappointment. He's an obvious mix of Sinatra-Farrow genetic material, not one drop of Woody Allen in there. Ya, monogamy as a means of assuring fidelity is...

And if I may, if you're as clear about "no divorce" as you keep telling us you are, then you would have ignored those comments all along. Stating it once is enough when you're clear of mind. Blaming others for not getting it is a sign that our inner landscape is muddy. As always - not...

I'll highlight again that constantly putting others' wants and needs above one's own is a huge flapping red flag for codependent thinking. Of course it hurts.

This is an enormous red flapping flag for codependence. Hard for many people to see because this way of thinking gets so much applause from others. But if you really stop and reflect on this way of thinking, constantly putting the wants of others above your own, it does not lead to a peaceful...

Yes. You've listed a bunch of behaviors - actions. Codependence is about thought patterns, emotional patterns. A person can perform those actions on your list as either a healthy independent or as an enmeshed codependent thinker. A lot of people think that behaviors are what drive...