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Thanks so much GalaGirl, there's a lot of wisdom in what you wrote, going to respond on some points, sorry if I don't do justice do the amount of thought that went in your post, it'll take me some time to process it and even get 1/10th of answers to all the questions you are raising. Turns out...

Well she says herself that he's not great in bed, but obviously she still feels the draw to sleep with him. As for whether she wants to drop, I once took an afternoon off because she was begging me to help her get rid of that obsession. This was a while ago, and I felt she'd made some progress...

You might be right in general but what you are saying simply does not apply to me. I may be sensitive, and got embroiled in a marital relationship where I feel I am lacking control, but I am very far from the 'nice guy' as portrayed in some B-series movies. Overall in most of my relationships, I...

This is something that took a while to figure out but now I am pretty clearly avoiding to support her obsession. She did use me occasionally as emotional support but it's not like we spend all our time discussing about him. As for the second remark it is not right. She provides emotional...

As I admitted it is partially the latter. But also the former in the sense that in a purely monogamous setting I am far too dependent on my primary, which leads me to either accept things I shouldn't because I am desperate for some kind of peace and tenderness, or I just blow up because I can't...

Thanks for the advice BlueShoes, you are raising very valid points. Like her, I got married too young, was really in love and wanted to show commitment, but I realized I got into a relationship with a control freak. As I matured, I gradually managed to restore the balance so that my wife would...

This is my first message on the forum. It may not seem as poly per se, but I am pretty sure that monogamous people would give me advice which would not really apply. My partner and I are technically each other secondaries, but because our primary relationships are so bad, I consider her as my...