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I've gotta tell you, the picture you paint of him is very unflattering. Is he aware of the fact that you find his communication so troublesome? Do you know how he feels about your communication style? Maybe he has some of the same struggles you do? It sounds like there are some deep tracks of...

To piggy back onto this, it's important to remember that people don't need an excuse to set their own boundaries with regard to disclosure. Some people are into full disclosure, others aren't, and they are both right. The trick is to make sure that you discuss it and adjust expectations...

Is this the first time you guys have encountered this issue? You've been together for over three years, is this not something that has come up before? You sound like you want a "full disclosure" sort of relationship, and not everyone is down with that. Personally I find the proposition...

This is the big takeaway for me as well. OP, you seem like you're setting yourself up for failure, but you're aware that is exactly what you are doing. So why keep doing it? Are you generally conflict avoidant when it comes to your personal relationships? I strongly encourage you to start...

It's a risky road, snooping through our partners stuff. Sometimes we end up learning things that we wish we hadn't, and things that can't be unseen. Someone going through my stuff and then having some kind of opinion about it would be a full stop red flag for me. In my world, those are instant...

I agree, it seemed like it was interested in discussing how we are similar as opposed to why one of us is broken (and there to be blamed). I expect lots of those studies that were done back in the 60's and 70's are going to need to be broken down and re-discussed. The social traditions those...

I get what you are going for, but really I don't see that looking down on a secondary is particularly toxic within the realm of strict hierarchy; they call them "secondary" for a reason, because they are secondary. I certainly have a negative emotional reaction to people like Tom who respect the...

It's important to remember that everyone posting here is responding within our best understanding of what a healthy relationship looks like. While my advice will always have a focus of living authentically, and seeking to have relationships that exist within natural personality overlap, others...

These two qualities tell me that you guys may need to start getting comfortable with restructuring your association. There's absolutely nothing wrong with his wanting to have sex with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your not wanting to have sex with him. The only problem is that...

I thought demi-sexuality was needing to build an emotional bond before sexual attraction was a thing. This sounds like you are making out in bars with strangers. Have I misunderstood? Super confused as to why you need to be a pimp for your partner. I get that you guys "share" partners between...

I just want to add to this idea that he is not at all responsible for your internal sense of security. He is in no way required to sate your insecurity in a particular way, and hoisting our own insecurities onto our partner is a sure fire way to build resentment and tear down trust. What I...

Can you clarify why this time table is an important point for you? It is important to understand that all relationships are different, because they involve different people. He was one way with you, and he will likely never be that way with anyone else... because the dynamic he has with you is...

With any luck, she is doing the same thing right now. As you mentioned previously this has been a pretty wild emotional roller coaster, complete with treacherous communication stumbling blocks, hurt feelings, and incompatible desires. That being the case, I hope that she is also doing some...

So you've been monogamish for most of your relationship with BF, and he's had a problem with it the the whole time? Sounds like he's made it pretty clear that he isn't interested in this kind of relationship. I'd say you either need to drop the SD and be monogamous, or let your BF know that...

Someone being fundamentally distrustful of an entire gender is also a great sign that I should not spend any further energy getting to know them. I don't have the energy or interest in training someone out of their bigotry... not that they'd have any of that anyway.

Anarchy is a concept that gets people pretty twisted up, but I think it's because it presumes there can't be any agreed upon rules of any kind. This has never been my understanding of anarchist structures. I find anarchy easier to understand when it is imagined as being "communities run by...

"I approach relationships pretty much the same as everyone else, I just don't limit myself to only one" or something like that might be helpful. That wouldn't be true for me so I wouldn't say it, but if you're basically hoping for traditional relationships minus the "one only" cap, then try to...

That's some pretty cold blooded shit right there. I'm curious about what dinner parties look like with you four, that must be crazy uncomfortable lol Most of us have struggles making new friends and building new relationships. It's tough to find people that you jive with on a number of levels...

I would say this is the first bit here; investigate why you think MFM is the optimal configuration. It isn't a great idea to put configuration as a higher priority than the actual people in them, so I don't recommend taking this approach, but if you are going to I would suggest understanding...

Is "make this intimate" euphemism for sex? I encourage you to use your adult language, and be precise about what exactly you are requesting. When we use softening words like this it may *seem* like we are being gentle, but really all we are doing is muddying the waters. Having a crystal clear...