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  1. Marcus

    Advance on my poly realtionship

    You described your association as being communication savvy, but it doesn't sound like the two of you are on the same page at all. That is not a tell-tale sign of an association that has constructive communication as a central value. You told her that you wanted her to put the brakes on this...
  2. Marcus

    Partner's Jealousy - Advice Needed

    There isn't anything wrong with the words you are using, nor the context. Please proceed, no need to adjust your language.
  3. Marcus

    Poly because of boredom

    There are lots of objects you can jam into a broken relationship to try to mend it: a child, another lover, a speed boat, fanatic devotion to sky diving... however, doing this is never recommended if a healthy relationship is the goal. Some things that might be a better idea are: being honest...
  4. Marcus

    Partner's Jealousy - Advice Needed

    This is mainly just a semantic distinction, but when we are secure with our position and what we have to offer, we don't generally have to grapple with fears about the future. When I am secure in my relationship, I know that what I have to offer my partner is valuable to them, and I know that...
  5. Marcus

    Help with anxiety

    I'm not a doctor, but I think you might want to have a talk with one. Depending on what "heart rate is elevated" means to you, this might be something you want a professional to take a look at. Either a shrink because you have severe separation anxiety, or a cardiologist because you've got...
  6. Marcus

    Getting over Two People

    I would add, depending on your financial situation, to hire in help where you can. Check out how expensive it would be to have a house cleaning service come in once a week to take care of dishes and some of that tedium, temporarily get day care, that sort of stuff. I know lots of us don't have...
  7. Marcus

    Poly because of boredom

    The only thing that would keep it from being ethical is if someone involved wasn't informed or given their chance to consent. There are plenty of reasons to not be strictly monogamous anymore, and "bored" is just as good a reason as any from my perspective. There are reasons to open up to...
  8. Marcus

    Poly because of boredom

    I'm not sure I follow the situation you are describing. Are you saying that you are both bored with, and jealous of, your relationship and are looking to date other people because of this?
  9. Marcus

    Monogomus with a poly partner??

    Do you know what that looks like? Understanding what it is exactly that you value out of your relationship with him, and what your clear expectations are, will be necessary in order for you to decide if this is something you can do or not. I recommend against brushing past this; this is at the...
  10. Marcus

    Breakup

    Given that he approaches relationship changes from a more detached posture, do you know if giving support to you is something that he is entirely comfortable with? It very well may be, and he might not tell you even if it wasn't, but I find that when I'm emotionally blocked off I don't have the...
  11. Marcus

    Breakup

    I would say that the most important part of asking for help, is knowing that you are not entitled to it. When we ask help from the vantage point of realizing that we aren't entitled to get it, we will tend to be more cautious of their situation, and be able to read the room. When we assume...
  12. Marcus

    How to tell people?

    Is this a true statement or are you winking here? If you don't have an agenda of having sex with Friend, then just invite her to do whatever it is that you want to do explicitly with her. Then if she brings up your wife and says something suggesting that she thinks you might be hoping to...
  13. Marcus

    Partner & Meta codependent on each other

    Are there conversations that you have not yet had with your partner? Communication is good, and all healthy relationships have a hefty dose of it, but once a topic has been covered... what's left after that? You've told him you aren't happy with the one on one time you are getting, he has...
  14. Marcus

    Tolerating vs. Being Supportive

    I would approach this the same way I would if a friend I want to spend time with has a dramatic friend circle. I would spend time with them as best I could, let them know not to include me in their friend drama, and our relationship would likely be limited because of it. There isn't much in...
  15. Marcus

    For Monos: when/what quelled your fears of your poly partner leaving you?

    Ye olden relationship crystal ball. It's a fan favorite. The approach I have taken in recent years when the topic of "how long will this last?" comes up, is "healthy relationships can last a long time, possessive and competitive relationships probably won't" (or at least they shouldn't)...
  16. Marcus

    Triad spiral after having an awesome threesome with my partner and metamour

    A solid framework for what your expectations are is the best place to start. I would focus less on what they want, and more on what it is exactly that you want. Do you understand your interest in a "triad" enough to clearly describe it to them? I would dig into what exactly your expectations...
  17. Marcus

    Not sure how to feel and if it's right

    This is the wrong question. It doesn't matter if what you are requesting is right or wrong, what matters is does this fit within your description of a desirable and healthy relationship? You are clearly stating that you are not cool with this set up. She is clearly stating that this is the...
  18. Marcus

    Very jealous partner (help!)

    My personal approach would be to focus on this bit here. I understand that BB has some behavior issues he's working through, but that's his burden to bare. While it would be appropriate for you to be kind and compassionate regarding his struggle, it would not be appropriate (in my world) for you...
  19. Marcus

    How to throuple?

    I find this to be very concerning. I can't think of a way to describe this but an obsession. This is not healthy, and I want to strongly encourage you to cut this person out of your life before the current ridiculous high school drama becomes something life altering. For everyone's safety, I...
  20. Marcus

    Should I have...?

    If your examples were taking place I would that it could be categorized as a consent issue, but only because they argued after it had been clearly demonstrated that their limited consent was not intended to be taken as ongoing. However, your examples were all fictional to illustrate a point...
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