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A controlling metamour is quite a thing to live through, so I'm sorry you get to have that experience your first go at polyamory. It sounds like they have a pretty traditional hierarchy set up in their association, with the two of them at the top, and everyone else is below them and follows...

You are far from alone, and I'm glad to hear that you are jazzed about the idea. It's good to remember that fantasy doesn't always equal reality, but if we don't try we can only fail. It's been quite a while since I saw it, but as I recall I enjoyed the group relationship in Savages, in the...

You seem to have built yourself into the perfect, ultimate torture chamber. Since you've left yourself no options of any kind, I'm not really sure what anyone could offer you in the way of advice. Just get over it I guess?

I always chuckle when I see "emotional affair". I figure it just means "we haven't boned... yet". My guess is that it isn't so much that thought policing is in order, but that an affair is in the works and simply hasn't manifested yet. Like a distinction between a breach of trust, and the...

I think that is a blueprint for building the potential for flourishing. Relationships can get messy and feelings can be hurt when a pair aren't lining up perfectly, but putting our shoulder into being constructive like this gives us the best possibility of a healthy outcome.

My read on your situation may be off, but It sounds like you guys are pussyfooting around each other, trying not to hurt each others feelings. I get that it seems like the "nice" thing to do, but it also sets up misunderstandings and resentment. If you really don't care and are perfectly happy...

Listen to your friend GalaGirl, she has your best interests in mind.

That is overt emotional blackmail, and I hope that you find yourself in a place where you can actually start taking care of yourself and refusing to take part in this kind of horrid association. There is an episode of Rick and Morty where Jerry and Beth go to marriage counseling (Big Trouble...

The thing with her bringing him to meet the kids when you aren't there, and that's something you guys specifically agreed upon is just a blatant breach of an agreement. That sort of stuff doesn't fly, and "it couldn't be avoided" is bullshit. I could easily be avoided by her meeting the rules...

I didn't actually realize that you are just casually hanging out with these people. I presumed you were having an actual emotional and romantic association with them. If none of you have any emotional connection then it doesn't really matter if you ditch them when you find someone that "ticks...

The difference being that there is a fundamental and overriding preference that neither of these people meet, and that she knows going in that if/when she encounters someone who meets it she is absolutely going to break up with these two. That is very different from getting into a monogamous...

I didn't mention it previously but it is also critical that you get out of the mindset of decisions being made by you and your wife. You aren't in that situation, because there is a third decision maker in the mix. I strongly recommend bringing S to the table, and giving their voice equal...

It was a relationship born of an affair, during an emotionally chaotic and traumatic moment. The fact that it ended in absolute destruction is not at all surprising. This is a pretty clear learning opportunity for you. Embrace the reality that the decisions we make when we are in a state of...

The length of the relationship is entirely dependent upon an appropriate one coming along though. So while that may not be "short term" in your eyes, it is certainly a "stop-gap" or "filler" relationship. I'm glad it is your intention to fully disclose all of this to them. It would be cruel to...

Sounds like you want a nesting partner, which may or may not be a polyamorous setup. Since this is the clear preference, if the new theoretical person is monogamous is it your intention to move on from these two non-nesting partners?

There are likely numerous reasons that a person would say "I don't want to be monogamous with anyone" and then decide they want to be monogamous with someone... just not you. It could be that they were planning it all along, maybe they had an unexpected experience that changed their minds, maybe...

I appreciate how succinctly and absent of color you made that sum-up. As I was reading the breakdown of this situation, I was coming up with words like "catastrophe", "napalm", "wrecking ball", and "certain destruction". Certainly the ongoing "emotional affairs" are a good sign that this thing...

This question sounds like you aren't sure what you want out of a relationship, and like you are a bit of a victim of the direction of the wind. If I am reading this right I would say two things: 1) make sure that your prospective partners know that you don't know what you want, and you might...

That is not what I'm suggesting. I am not saying that, in the event your husband decides to date someone, that new person will also have to get tested. What I am saying is, if this is actually a concern for sexual health, and it is not only reasonable but expected that the new person should...

So, if you are "breaking up" and then getting back together the next day, and this is happening multiple times, I would say you need to stop and take a deep breath. It may be that you are diving head-long into something that you don't fully understand, and both you and the new person are...