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  1. Marcus

    Looking for advice

    It's the differences that make the world interesting. And you and I having opposite interpretations of the same data set is pretty common; I don't think we agree on much.
  2. Marcus

    New Open Relationship

    It sounds like she is functioning under the rules that the two of you agreed upon, so I would say that's normal. Have you considered no longer asking her about the details that bring you discomfort? So the current agreement is that she is "having sex only" with "no feelings"? I know that...
  3. Marcus

    Looking for advice

    Super common and totally normal from what I can tell. Apparently there are people who still bang like teenagers even after being together for years and having kids... but that's got to be the exception (and I'm not sure I buy it). Are you poly? If you are interested in having multiple...
  4. Marcus

    Getting through the low times

    That's some stellar advice right there. One of the best things we can do for our relationships is to learn to take care of ourselves and live our lives without guidance or acceptance from other people. It's a tall order and I don't think any of us can really achieve it, but as guide posts go I...
  5. Marcus

    I cheated on my partner. I don't know if I should leave

    This "no lies, not even lies of omission" rule is interesting to me. It tells me that it isn't that we should just be honest with each other when an action has direct possible impact on the other, but that we must confess all actions to one another and anything but a full confession is...
  6. Marcus

    Struggling with first poly dating experience

    What you are experiencing seems pretty normal to me with regard to brand new associations that include people who are just now starting to get to know each other. One of the main concepts I try to remind myself of when I'm meeting someone new that I am in to, is "slow down... slow WAY down"...
  7. Marcus

    My boyfriend doesn’t want me if I’m poly

    These two statements don't agree. When you told him that you wanted to be polyamorous his initial instinct was to presume that you were cheating on him again. This is evidence that healing has not taken place, and that his trust in you is still fundamentally damaged. Building trust after...
  8. Marcus

    Talked to Mono Partner - Totally Heartbroken :''(

    I usually try to avoid using analogies when they aren't necessary, and this is the reason for that. Being non-monogamous vs monogamous is it's own situation and doesn't need some other comparison to make sense... it only muddies the waters and causes frustration. She's not wrong though about...
  9. Marcus

    When one person is poly and the other is not (triads or potential triads potentially??)

    You aren't doing yourself any favors by hunting for a specific relationship configuration. In my opinion you are better off focusing on building healthy relationships with individuals. Then, after you have established relationships with individuals, those associations have a chance of crossing...
  10. Marcus

    Dating profile question.

    For my dating profile I have always stated clearly (and up at the very top) that I am not monogamous. Those classification settings on OKC have been moved around a bit as I have set up my profiles over the years because I thought it might be classifying me in a box that wasn't entirely accurate...
  11. Marcus

    Condoms and such

    For people who have a high concern for STD and pregnancy, I would think everyone wearing condoms would be a good start. You were including your primary couple in this? Or is it just everyone else needs to wear condoms?
  12. Marcus

    Not specific to poly

    The real issue is that Zed showed up half an hour later than he had initially said? I mean I get that if this sort of thing happened a lot it would be pretty irritating and I would likely start changing how I interact with that person, but that's really what the problem is here? I'd be curious...
  13. Marcus

    Condoms and such

    My stance about paternity is invalid because you've had the displeasure of raising kids? Whether or not I have raised kids (which is not one bit of your business) does not validate or invalidate any opinion I might have. That is called gatekeeping, and I don't bend to it. Now I'm nuts? I'll...
  14. Marcus

    Condoms and such

    Proving paternity, guys. Proving paternity is what is being discussed, not family planning, not having a frank conversation with your doctor, not taking care of yourself, and not how expensive it is to have a child. This thread is specifically about her husband telling her what methods of...
  15. Marcus

    Condoms and such

    That's a bit of a different scenario, but I see what you are saying. I suppose my question becomes, why were YOU so interested in proving paternity? My guess would be because you grew up in a society that put value on that; value that I think is misplaced. Is the OP suggesting hiding the...
  16. Marcus

    Condoms and such

    Are you guys lords or something? Paternity is a silly outdated concept that serves only to control the reproductive practices of the people in a relationship. So unless you are lords and need to have a legitimate heir so that they can inherit their title, I don't see the value in paternity. I...
  17. Marcus

    Not specific to poly

    So Zed decided to cut their date a little short because Yeti had a bad day and wanted them to come home early. If I'm dating Zed it would tell me that Zed is being kept on a very short leash and going out of their way to demonstrate to me that I am "secondary". This would be a yellow flag on...
  18. Marcus

    Has anyone dealt with ASSumers?

    Google "gaslighting" real quick. That word doesn't mean what you think it means. You being disabled or not, doesn't change anything about the nature of this conversation. No one but you is talking about that as far as I can tell. It's good to have people in your life who understand your...
  19. Marcus

    New & Rocky

    The running theme in this problem seems to be that the two of you don't really trust each other. Do you know why that is? If the intention is to keep the existing relationship going while exploring "adding" new relationships, you guys might want to figure your own shit out first. While you two...
  20. Marcus

    Has anyone dealt with ASSumers?

    Are you new to online dating? I ask because it's a bloodbath out there and I'm just curious if this is shocking because it's something you just hadn't been exposed to yet. It's good to realize that there are lots of people we aren't going to jive with for one reason or another, most in fact...
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