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Hi Inaniel, Galagirl brings up some great points, including check-in and communicate, don't worry about the "what if?" etc. You can't control everything (unfortunately). You are responsible for working on yourself and getting past your insecurities. Looks like both your partners are into you...

Hi Cleo, That's a tough one. When my nesting partner hit a rough patch with her other bf, I found this to be quite difficult, seeing her heart broken and distraught. I didn't know what to do other than just listen and hug her as much as I could. I felt a bit like I was feeling some collateral...

Hi theoldertheshaw, I really felt your emotions coming through in your writing. It can be really frustrating when there is chemistry but the other person imposes boundaries for what seems to be arbitrary reasons. There are some things you have control over, and some things you don't. You have...

Well-put and an important point. Del, you posted that you might feel insecure, etc., in a mono-poly arrangement. Consider that this might help your relationship get stronger a few ways. Some poly people I know say "s/he has a way higher sex drive than I do, and I don't want to have that much...

Good start so far! Hi there, A, A couple of initial reactions: 1. you are reaching out for resources (books, forum) 2. you discussed this in theory ahead of time 3. you are taking time to process your emotions These are all great steps to take. For me, when my partner brought up that she...

I'm a big fan of Gottman, BUT... Thanks for the post! I'm reading through Gottman's famous 7 principles books, and it was so formative that I added it to my signature below. That said, I agree with the comment that Gottman is very prescriptive. He makes numerous statements that are...

Ask her what she is looking for! Hi there, There is lots of good advice above. One other thing to consider is asking her what she is looking for in a romantic relationship first. This can give you an indication of whether you are even compatible, and can be a less awkward segway into a...

Yay! Good stuff. When my partner first proposed opening up, one of the big things that put me at ease was actually meeting this other fella' (my metamour). We went for a walk just the two of us fairly early on. We get along great 2 years later, have dinner nights with the three of us, etc.

Suggestion to avoid mind-reading It can be pretty easy to try to mind read or to pathologize behaviour we don't understand. Consider how homosexuality and polyamory are/have been pathologized, even though we can agree there is nothing wrong or unhealthy about the related behaviours. This man...

Some ideas Hi, That sounds like a tough situation. My partner suggested that we open up our (at the time) 7-year relationship. I found that she was happier and had more energy overall, including when she was spending time with me. I personally feel that when I meet someone new, I am happier...