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There is a lot going on here, but boiled down it sounds like you are attempting to integrate the experience of your partner forming a new connection (a challenge for everyone new to poly) at a time when the terms of your relationship with your partner are unclear (a common challenge for...

I think sometimes, when talking about poly dynamics, people can hop too quickly along the mental stepping stones of 'X's behaviour suggests they are feeling insecure' (in this case, having a very broad messy list) to 'This is X's problem.' The feeling of security within a relationship is...

Hello ecofriend! Thank you for taking the time to share this moment of your journey in this space - the fact that you are asking these questions of yourself and seeking information to inform what happens next already shows that you are approaching your journey into poly from a place of...

Thanks everyone. This has been incredibly helpful. Boiling it back down to the options, I think it really comes down to: be with him on the terms he is offering, or don't. I guess that's the choice we all have, always. 🤷‍♀️ Thank you for helping me see through the noise of uncertainty and...

Yes and no. It is common ground that Hinge and I have an ongoing sexual relationship that is not currently physical. But I have also said to Hinge that he and Primary need to decide whether what they actually want right now is to indefinitely be in a monogamous relationship (which is arguably...

I really hear that. Thank you for sharing 🙏

It has been a year. That, it turns out, was how long I was willing to wait. Now I have to do something else. I have to decide what that is.

No physical contact. We are allowed to see each other but not touch.

This might seem like semantics, but I feel there is a different between saying the choice is outside his control (clearly it isn't-- this is the choice he is making) and saying he is making that choice in response to circumstances outside his control (the fact that Primary is making this request...

I have other lovers. I have been resisting mentioning this, because to me it's not the point. Primary's first question when Hinge communicated to her that I was looking for clarity was 'Can't she just have sex with someone else?' and my response was, that's not the point. But maybe it is. 🤷‍♀️...

Lots of interesting ideas here! One point of disagreement seems to be about whether or not it's ok for Hinge to communicate his decision (not to have sex), and also the reason for it (at Primary's request), or whether it should be communicated to me (Secondary) as his decision alone...

Thank you everyone for your replies - this has been very helpful. I think because I am so sympathetic to what happens after childbirth and I understand the insecurities and challenges that involves I was really struggling to find the language to express my needs without feeling like I was...

I am in a hierarchical poly V relationship. I'm the secondary partner, and always have been. My partner had a baby with his primary and now, as a result, and at her request, is not allowed to have sex with me. I had assumed there would be a break, and when the break went on longer than I...