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Given your young age, I'm guessing you haven't been with your partner for more than a couple of years. And you both are interested in poly, but you haven't actually tried to practice poly together. If and when you do, you may find: 1) That it doesn't work for one of you, but the other really...

I agree with everything GalaGirl said. You say you're willing to settle for kitchen-table style poly where your guy's new partner is around and a friend to you. That's not so unusual or inherently unstable, and although it will exclude some potential partners for your guy, I think many people...

I feel some of your pain...I, too, have mostly introvert hobbies and have trouble making new connections. Am currently single, after ending a poly relationship that was hurting my self-esteem, and don't expect to meet anyone new for a while. My only advice is, keep trying new hobbies, even if...

I think you're right to be concerned. It definitely sounds like they have a "primary-secondary" model, which might work in theory but is very hard to implement in practice without making you feel like a second class citizen. I don't think it necessarily will help if you start dating others...

Anyone poly or kinky who is on OKC should get the OKCupid for the Non-Mainstream User add-in for Chrome. You tell it which questions you care about, and as you view a profile, it shows you the answers to those questions in a sidebar. Huge time-saver. I've had several relationships with people I...

I agree with Tinwen. We can't tell from your post how your relationship with Gina has been during this time of her NRE with her other partner, but it wouldn't be unusual for her to be giving your relationship short shrift in general. And although you can't force physical intimacy, for many...

I agree that it's unrealistic to expect your wife to not only agree to you seeing someone else after years of monogamy, but also drop all her expectations of primariness right away. For most people, being "primary" in a partner's life is the definition of "being in a relationship." It's a big...

MsEmotional, I agree with those who say that its up to Ponytail to figure out how to get his needs met. I would just add that it might be worth having a conversation in which you describe the situation as you see it, including that it would be easier for him to find a partner to have kids with...

Social dance classes can be a fun way to meet people. You usually change partners (lots of people come without one) so you get to meet people. Often there will be "practice" or "party" events that you find out about at the class. I know someone who got very into swing dancing while she was...

I can commiserate. I'm the same way - really into it for a year or so, then no interest whatsoever. It was a big factor in the ending of an 11 year marriage to a great guy. I wish I could tell you I'd found a solution. I doubt therapy has answers - I assume this came up in my couples counseling...

I agree that this sounds very unfair. It sounds like her point is that she has more free time (therefore maybe is bored) so it will be easier to have outside relationships while still meeting her obligations to you. If so, perhaps some of the "other responsibilities" that you have could be...

It doesn't sound to me like the hubby is going to agree to closing the marriage. He's too attached and the pull of NRE is strong. If he does agree, he'll probably resent you for it for a long time. Also, I think it's ethically wrong to "agree" to a partner dating, then pull the plug completely...

I like GalaGirl's suggestion of having a box, laundry basket or whatever for GF's mess. More generally, your description of GF as being lazy and selfish sounds awfully familiar. I'm skeptical that it will change, but you can try spelling out specific ways in which you'd like her to try, and...

I kind of agree with GalaGirl, even with your clarification. Comparing you to others during sex, and texting during sex, are such obviously hurtful behavior that it's hard for me to believe that he is really capable of being a good partner. I know we're all about "people can't read your minds...

It sounds like you have two separate problems. The short term problem is being stuck in Hawaii...can't make any real progress on anything because you expect to move soon. So maybe try some very casual dating to get your feet wet, keep dancing, and see what you can do to fix the logistical...

I think you should have an understanding that you will not text back, unless you happen to find yourself with some time when your date partner is away. When on a date, your focus should be on that partner. To ask for a break to respond sends the message that your other partner is more important...

breathemusic's advice seems spot-on to me. No big decisions under the influence of NRE. As far as logistics (either if you move forward as soon as the basement is done, or in for longer term planning): would it be possible to have you be in the master bedroom every night, and the guys rotate...

Based on the fact that this woman deleted you from the social media app at the same time she intensified her communication with your husband, it sounds like she either is hostile toward you for some reason or is hoping to take him away from you. These don't sound like good qualities in a...

Ravenscroft, Thanks for your insights. I think many of them are accurate, although only for what is attitude is now -- not what it was six months ago. I'm not sure where you get the idea that I've been a martyr or an enabler. I don't excuse his behavior because of his Asperger's; I mention it...

Thanks, Magdlyn. It really is frustrating to be treated so poorly after my months of patience and support. And it's a shock because as recently as six months ago (20 months in, so still some NRE but not the initial crazy-making phase), he was saying things like "I can't imagine a time when I...