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  1. D

    I did the veto thing. (Gasp! I know.)

    NOT cool. People's lives and situations cannot be distilled down to a couple of sentences and then summarized with judgement. This is a place for support. If you want to challenge the OP's thinking, then fine, but a personal attack with a flip and sarcastic tone is just plain mean.
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    Insert slew of expletives!

    If one more person acts seemingly indifferent about time with me this week, I'm going to pop! I'm bending over backwards to avail myself to others, but they are seemingly distracted by every butterfly, squirrel, breeze - you get the idea. I am hereby eschewing all humans (in 3D form) in favor...
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    Reasons to break up?

    He's being controlling and manipulative by asserting his legal position with a child that could be his? Well, you and I are going to just have to agree to disagree on that one. If he walked away completely, then he'd be accused of abandonment. And I don't believe we could EVER know enough...
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    Reasons to break up?

    I'm confused about why everybody is jumping on the idea that the BF is somehow unbalanced or a bad guy. What did he do? He got hurt when she ranked her relationships and wants the option to know a child who *could* be his? I can't help but wonder if the gender here were (and could) somehow be...
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    Time management

    I see my partners once a week - maybe twice. I'd like it to be more, but their schedules with others don't allow for that. I live with my husband.
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    I did the veto thing. (Gasp! I know.)

    The word "veto" has become a tempest in part because of the way it frames the dynamic. We imagine someone sitting behind a desk and stamping a piece of paper. Relationships do not work this way. You had terms for a new venture into poly that you agreed on. At the base was a desire on your part...
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    Study on oxytocin and monogamy

    Oh, thank you. This was a well-timed giggle. Now back to our regularly scheduled broadcast...
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    Study on oxytocin and monogamy

    I'm nodding. LOL. I'm on the academic end. Just educating the next generation of malfeasant pseudoscientists...;-)
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    Study on oxytocin and monogamy

    "This type of study is the reason why people in the hard sciences have so little respect for psychology and sociology as a "science." If you want to be taken seriously, you have to start with demonstrable assertions. If your whole study is based on a false assumption, then you haven't proven...
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    Not mono but not poly, what is my poly identity? How do I "label" my relationship?

    Really loved this post. Ding, ding...you hit several chords for me.
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    How do you avoid cheaters

    Having been on the receiving end of said behavior serves as all the deterrent I need. I don't ever want to have a role in somebody else feeling that way. The bigger trouble for me is finding partners who feel similarly. Most people seem okay being with "cheaters" and I think that sort can be...
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    Sharing Details of Relationships/Sex

    How much information is too much? How much detail do you want as far as the sexual relationships of your partners do you want/need? I finding that I'm fine just knowing that it happens and don't go looking for details. I'm also very cautious not to refer to sexual experiences with a partner...
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    decreased libido with multiple partners

    Stress and fatigue are libido killers. What if you scheduled a day off for yourself every couple of months that included time with partners instead? You could get a good night's sleep ahead of time. Then, you may not "feel" like it right away, but once things get going, you may. Libido can...
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    Fun sex / Safe sex

    Trustworthiness is not a black and white. And his disclosure was years ago. I am not going to distill very significant features of my relationship into a few sentences so it can fit nicely into a box for you. And this is NOT my thread. Please respect the OP and the rules for the group and...
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    Got Vetoed - need advice

    It does seem a bit odd. Did they every clarify what it is specifically about your particular involvement that is problematic? I'm left wondering if you posed some kind of new threat and triggered some fear. I hope they can work out the source of that fear. Either way, I feel for you. Do...
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    Fun sex / Safe sex

    "Obviously, your husband isn't trustworthy and doesn't respect you. Nothing can move forwards until that changes" This was a Promethean leap, given very little actual detail about a very complex situation. And this is not my thread...
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    Fun sex / Safe sex

    "Again, if Dana wants to save her marriage, she should look at ways to start having sex with her husband again." Sex was the least of the marital problems and is not the appropriate starting point. I made no ultimatums. I made a choice for myself. As for female condoms, I use them with my...
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    Fun sex / Safe sex

    It's so convoluted. I don't really *know* why enough to speak on his behalf. After the fact, he said he'd only have sex with condoms with others, but in the past he's lied about it and I can't take the chance with the health of others. It is, what is is. I had hoped we could regain the...
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    Study on oxytocin and monogamy

    I was left with so many questions. I see some connections between this article and the work of Helen Fisher, but the authors did not establish if this "oxytocin" response could be felt for more than one familiar face. Additionally, the article implied that those with a diminshed oxytocin...
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    Fun sex / Safe sex

    While I agree that there is no such thing as 100% safe sex, I do believe that there are definite ways to mitigate risk and that my choices about how I do so, are mine alone. What this means for me is that my primary (spouse) is unwilling/unable to have protected sex with his other partners. He...
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