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I just finished reading LIVING WITH LIMERENCE, will reread. I've seen this word in various forums and books, but just thought was an old-fashioned psychiatric term for what has been re-branded as NRE or love addiction. It helped me to look at limerence as a more specific psychological phenomena...

I have to say if I was dating someone, and he/she presented me with this list of rules, I'd nope out pdq. It's great to know what you want, to have dealbreakers, must-haves, etc., but there needs to be space for your partner's needs, wants and desires. Shouldn't relationship agreements be...

Thank you Evie and breathemusic, you both made great points! Sunny got the first shot today, so I guess I won. It was a sucky conversation though, like speaking to a religious person who is not operating with logic, but with "belief." When confronted with facts he couldn't argue his way out of...

So say you have a long-term partner. Or a live-in partner. They've put years and years of emotional work into your relationship. Then you get a new partner. Is the new partner automatically given the same time, attention, and consideration as the long term partner? At what point, if any, will...

I know I've said before, Sunny and I rarely argue, not in the way I think of a fight. We negotiate, discuss, and sometimes things get heated, but even if things sometimes veer a bit into harsh territory, we reel it back in pretty quick. That being said, we are still not in joyful, harmonious...

Sounds to me like a big 'ol demotion. So you will no longer have sex (but can have sex with other people) and are no longer engaged in any kind of "couplehood," but you will...what? Continue to help each other out around the house? Sounds like he's offering you a friendship but not calling it...

I can understand how your partner marrying would cause you some anxiety and you absolutely should ask questions. If you've only been with her a matter of months, it may not be realistic that you are as she claims, "equal in terms of importance" as her long-term, live-in partner. That...

I don't think the goal or the result of polyamory is to "make the relationship better" or "add to the relationship." It's about you as individuals, not as a couple. In fact, you and your partner will likely spend less time, attention, and energy with each other because you're busy cultivating...

I'm holding back, being withholding, sometimes with Sunny. Not in major ways, but I catch myself doing it in small ones. I'm afraid of getting hurt in his quest for poly life, and it makes me cold. We'd talked about taking a vacation together in a few months, but now I'm wavering, because I...

Seems unfair that the partner who is struggling, who will be doing emotional work while his partner is off having sexy time, is discouraged from seeking the support of his partner immediately afterwards. I would instead suggest that his wife should be extra attentive and present with Arc...

Sunny and I were kinda cruising along, neither of us dating others (that Braun guy I was talking to fizzled out.) I bought a car which took pressure off Sunny to provide transportation between our houses. We've been talking to a couple online we'll meet when they come to town later this year...

Arc, I relate very well to the emotions you're experiencing. I went through them several months ago when my boyfriend started a secondary relationship. From the minute I understood his lover existed until she broke up with him 6 months later, I was sometimes battling jealousy, sometimes fine...

FWIW I think what you're feeling is pretty normal under the circumstances. I'm sure I'd feel similarly in the same situation. If you're both having more sex and fun with others, while your relationship is mostly drudgery, it can't be good for your relationship. And also yay karaoke! It's still...

Thank you so much for posting that, lol, I totally get it! I have rarely experienced compersion, just a taste here or there when it's been between two people I really loved. In my current relationship, I, too struggled with jealousy and envy towards my boyfriend's secondary (when he had one.)...

Hi Kniqo, Magical, strengthening and natural for whom? For you as an individual, perhaps. Maybe for your husband, it's hellish, weakening and unnatural (for him.) Can one argue that poly strengthens a marriage? Possibly, if both partners support each other and communicate and grow and...

A moment of profound loneliness yesterday. I was waiting for Sunny to come over, and he butt-dialed me. I knew he was at his exwife's house for his teenaged son's birthday, and I picked up the phone and caught a bit of Sunny interacting with ex and his little girl (I didn't hear the boy but...

The day or so before my period, I'm always over-sensitive, easily triggered, emotional, and irritable. Anything wrong in my relationship with Sunny surfaces. We repeat a discussion (is it an argument if voices aren't raised?) going in circles...feelings get hurt. It's easy to forget that we go...

Interesting question! My body count is "high." 50 at least, but maybe below 100. Lost my virginity to my high school boyfriend at 17. Became promiscuous when l I moved to NYC at age 20. I can't count the number of people I fucked for the next several years. I think I used sex as a way to get...

Thank you @HisPet and @LittleWords (and everyone else who sometimes responds) it is very nice to know I'm not trying to navigate this all alone. The day before Valentine's day I got a message from a woman I once loved. We haven't talked in 25 years beyond an occasional comment on each other's...

Agreed that the main issue with the number of lovers is not, strictly speaking, the number of lovers, but the fact that there's only so much time and energy one can divide between partners. But yes, it could be about anything. My ex husband was monogamous to me, but he was a workaholic. He...