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Hi @Evie I'm sure you're right, it CAN happen. Sunny knew Mary ultimately wanted a full-time partner, I'm not sure if she wanted it from Sunny or not. In honestly, I'm not willing, right now, to give Sunny the time and space it would require for him to maintain another primary-type...

My boyfriend/anchor just got out of a secondary relationship with a woman much more conventionally attractive than me. I never saw her, but based on how into her he seemed, and knowing I'm not his usual type (he likes strippers) I surmised it. Now that they broke up, I asked him straight out...

In the wake of Mary's dumping Sunny (I have now learned that she had a stripper body, he felt like a bit of teacher to her, and she was very "sweet,") Sunny and I had our first real fight, I guess if you can even call it that. We actually both walked away from each other. It was because I felt...

I'm in a similar situation. Boyfriend of almost a year is a dedicated polyamorist, I'm more monogam-ish and struggle with wanting more of him. His secondary just dumped him, and now I'm thinking of doing similarly as I don't want to have to go through seeing him fall for the next woman, and the...

And just like that, I'm back on the rollercoaster. Sunny cancelled coming over last night because, apparently, the night before, Mary gave him the "I just wanna be friends" speech and he's hurting over it. Of course I feel bad for him. I can think of a couple times when I've been in this...

I've noticed I only write here when I'm feeling bad about poly, using this journal as a way to try to get the jealousy and insecurity out of my system and process. I never post when I'm feeling ok. Last several days, I've felt fine, maybe even hopeful. Sunny and I had a nice weekend together NOT...

My period finally came after skipping a month, it was a doozy. My boyfriend/anchor Sunny and I have been aware for a while that I experience a great deal of relationship dissatisfaction around my period. Like clockwork, I break down every 25 days. Relationship anxiety that I’ve been trying to...

Sunny proposed a weekly schedule, offering 3 nights in a row of designated sleepovers (mostly at his place, all on nights I'm not on call for work.) He wants Sun and Mon nights for his own "self-care," in other words I should expect not to see him. One of those nights I'm on call and can't go...

@icesong, Yeah, the chances of meeting someone "organically" right now seem negligible during Covid. Anyone with half a brain isn't going to parties, events, etc.. Lately, my world has narrowed down to a bubble of very close friends, and we keep to ourselves. I don't see that changing in the...

I never saw "family" as a warm, safe place. I left home as soon as I was able. I haven't seen any member of my family in years. For a while, I had a husband. I could have had a baby, once, but I chickened out because I felt too old and my marriage was already breaking. I have a handful of...

I don't like having a metamour. I say this not because I want or expect Sunny to dump his other lover, but because I want to name the thing. I dislike sharing the resources of Sunny's romantic/sexual energy with someone I don't personally care about. Intellectually, I understand those resources...

Shedding tears from that story. Sending light your way

@icesong, I feel like a nice mixture of both structural and relational is the way to go, but I definitely feel what you're saying about how the structural stuff can make a relationship feel like an obligation. When Sunny first told me he was taking on another partner as we simultaneously upped...

@icesong Isn't it??? Total withdrawl symptoms, and we didn't catch it because it came so many hours after any actual encounter, like a delayed reaction. Sunny came over last night and this morning we talked a lot, trying to brainstorm and problem solve how I can feel safer and more comfortable...

Ugh, having some sort of emotional crash after a few days/nights of very intense sex. I really let Sunny have me, I went deeply submissive, gave him every part of me however he wanted, fluid bonding, etc..It was totally consensual, of course, but now I'm feeling extra needy. I was fine when I...

Oh wow! We do think we'll probably move in together in the next year or two, I wonder if that will change our level of sexual interest in each other. I can't say I've never had this much sex, but I've never had it combined with what seems to be a long term serious relationship

Sunny and I just spent 3 nights in a row at his place, and he didn't seemed freaked out or like he was ready to be rid of me, so that's progress. We did a great deal of (TMI alert) fluid bonding. I keep wondering when I'll get to a place where I don't just want to fuck Sunny all the frigging...

I feel you, @LittleWords, "someone to come home to" is one of the big things I want out of a relationship, too. I want to say this gently: You're not going to get that from this fellow. Whether he doesn't want that kind of relationship, period, or just doesn't want it with you, he's told you as...

BF recently lost his partner. His life is in a HUGE transition (from married to single, from having a primary partner to no primary partner.) Perhaps he needs this to be a time of NO OTHER BIG CHANGES. Maybe the extra anxiety of stress of you dating is just a bit too much for him at this time...

@icesong That's true, it definitely does make a relationship feel more like a choice than a default. Thank you for that. Sunny got all weird on me last night, told me he feels he's "losing himself" in our relationship. This started because he feels like he's eating too much lately, and insists...