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IMHO, you get a gift for those you have a relationship. If your gift is an event gift that they enjoy doing together, I think that's great. You are giving him the gift and she's a lucky benefactor. Very thoughtful and altruistic of you. But, if it's an event gift that you enjoy doing with...

Until that one NYE when it was me an another single male (I'm hetero) with a group of couples and the couples started swap'n spit at the stroke of midnight. It's like, okay, I'm twiddling my thumbs now. Awkward... and painful.

Sometimes jealousy is a very appropriate emotion to have in a relationship. Like pain, it can be a warning sign that something is wrong. If my SO's OSO were saying such things about me, compersion is the last thing I'd be feeling.

It just struck me that DADT is very much like my Lake Wobegon-ish upbringing. That is, where ANYTHING of an emotional nature is considered too messy and best left unsaid.

How does one know there's a DADT agreement and they're just not doing some good old fashioned cheating? Is there like a notarized affidavit they carry around?

On a more practical level, I suspect you may still feel guilty about treating her so poorly and have yet to forgive yourself. Examine your feelings. You may find that the issue is still unresolved within yourself. Otherwise, explore what assurance you need from her to fully "believe" her when...

Security is an illusion. Reality is; at any moment, every day, anything and everything we hold most dear can and will be wrenched from us leaving us to suffer the misery of its loss. Nothing is permanent. Everything is transitory. Live in the moment and fully appreciate all that you have...

For me, compersion is very similar to the good feelings I get when good fortune befalls a close friend. I'm genuinely happy for them. I love them and I want what's best for them and when that happens, its a good thing. Jealousy still happens. But as mentioned before, its more about your own...

It seems to me that these are trust-building requests. In other words, you are trying to find out if is she going to do what she says she is going to do. Change can be scary, and can make anybody with an emotional investment cringe. This is an area of your relationship in which she has not yet...

What would you do if the three of you were just best friends, had no romantic involvement, and they were having a dispute? My recommendation is to be supportive, but leave it up to them to work it out. I would hesitate being a sounding board for either party, but that's me. Because of the...

Seconded! Brilliant.

Typically, most people know they're poly once they get their secret decoder ring and the instructions for the secret handshake. I've always been intrigued with multiple relationships. I never really pursued it until recently, and even then, not very aggressively. I figure, what happens happens...

Good points!

By choosing to do so. All the skills that are required to make a monogamous relationship work are the same skills that are required to make polyamorous relationships work. Communication - Talk, talk and more talk. Learn effective communication skills. Don't try to read other people's minds...

I get told this alot. My wife tells me I need to lay off the psycho-babble. My apologies. In short, I don't think it is wrong to ask for a period of time before either of you enter into new relationships. If he doesn't want to agree to that, that's ok too. But it's never wrong to ask, IMHO.

Relationships are about communication, negotiation, give and take. If he's agreeable, set an end date for 6 months from now. When that time is up, if you don't feel comfortable, then renegotiate for another 6 months, or some other time period you both can agree on. You're not forcing him to...

It's never unfair to *ask* for what you need in a relationship. Fair is subjective. What one person may consider fair, another may not. I'd ask him for what you need, but specify an end date. If he agrees, great! If not, then its up to you to determine if the relationship is worth the extra...