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Some good advice here. He declares he's 'poly.' What does this mean? That he desires sex with other women? That he gets infatuated with other women? And this means what exactly? I've been on this forum for nearly 8 years now. I'm still not clear why "I'm attracted to others" is unique in the...

So K wants time with you when S is absent. You get dumped when S is available. Is this correct? If so, it's not hard to see why you'd feel sad--as if you're a useful distraction until the 'real' partner is around. I guess you need to decide if you're willing to continue this and if K is open...

As galagirl often says, every relationship has a clock attached. I'm sorry you're hurting.

Agreed. See people who want the same relationship style you do.

Boundaries??? She expects her boyfriend to act like a boyfriend. The problem here is that YOU expect her 'boyfriend' to act like a man who is married and puts his wife first and really only wants a chew toy to entertain him while his wife is otherwise occupied. Either he's a boyfriend to her...

Bully for them. ONLY ONE PERSON. What if that one person passes on a disease? What if that one person is a crazy bunny boiler whose actions cause real harm? If something is missing in a relationship: WORK ON THE PROBLEM HONESTLY. IF you can't solve it...be honest and leave. "Something is...

God forbid we 'demonize' people who lie to their spouse, potentially expose their spouse to diseases that can affect not only that person's health but the health of any future children, take time and money from the family, and break trust. Yep, they should really be given a gold medal of some...

Thank you for your answer, Jayne. It's evidence that it can go both ways and that people on either side of the equation can end up feeling like a hobby or a time filler and I'm sorry you're dealing with that. That is true of memoirs or autobiographies. I don't think I've seen the question...

As a 'secondary,' one who knew polyamory only because I met someone who had an open, polyamorous marriage, I came here years ago looking for help in understanding what I might really be to a man married but open. As much as Byron talked about openness, honesty, and communication, he never...

Mags, were you part of your friend cheating on his wife? I repeat, when someone calls cheaters 'victims,' that is, by any logic, defending cheating. Yes, I do believe that if one lies and deceives in one corner of their lives, they are more likely to lie/deceive in other areas of their lives...

He is cheating -- by definition he lies. Your GF is involved, knowingly, in cheating on his wife. Therefore by definition, she is involved with lying. You are correct, neither your GF nor you can trust what he says. Take action accordingly. Or decide what you're going to do if/when you...

No, Vinsanity, I am not off tangent. I addressed your words, your suggestion that there's no real physical harm in cheating. There most certainly can be physical harm, not only to the unknowing spouse, but if that spouse is a woman, to future children who can be affected, before birth, by any...

And that brings us right back to square one. I completely agree with you on compatibility, but that doesn't change the definition of words. If you WANT sex in a relationship and you're not getting it, it matters not at all if you call it a need or a want, you end the relationship to go find one...

I'm sorry, no, 'need' is not defined as 'want.' That's why we have two different verbs. :p NEED means REQUIRED. Sex is not required and never once in medical history has it shriveled up and fallen off for lack of getting sex. :D

Words mean things. If we get to re-define 'need' to whatever we want it to mean, then I can re-define 'need' to cover my deep desire for more money, and thus defend my decision to take money from someone else. Do you see the deeper principle here? You go right ahead and define your own need...

I felt no grief. I just felt happy and at peace to be with him. The grief was in finding out that he was not capable of doing poly as he promised me he could--that he could not treat me and his wife equally, that no matter what she did, she would be treated as the priority, protected, and...

I'm not sure where you get the idea I'm 'upset' or for that matter what bearing it has on anything I said. Yes, I know what the incel movement is, and no, I'm sorry, that doesn't make sex a 'need.' Many millions of people do just fine without sex and those who are committing suicide are not...

Cheating can also have physical ramifications. Bringing home sexual diseases, for example.Bacterial vaginitis. Some of those diseases can harm future unborn children. I still have a huge issue with my XH risking exposing me to diseases and never telling me--he took away my knowledge that would...

This forum seems to have taken a sharp turn. How many cheaters have been told by members that cheating is not polyamory--and usually in rather strong terms that would suggest cheating IS wrong? How many times on this forum has it been stressed that we are about OPEN HONEST COMMUNICATION. Yet...

Magdlyn, I don't believe I have ever told anyone what you really think or your motivations. You, in turn, may refrain from speaking for me. I am anti HOW SOME PEOPLE DO polyamory. Huge difference. Read through enough threads and MOST people here are against how many people are doing polyamory...