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What I am reading in this particular thread is a group of people who feel that they have had run-ins with people who have proven, over time, to have some form of emotional problem that is probably a serious psychiatric disorder. Naturally, those of us who have had that experience are going to...

I'm so glad that you brought this up. It is something that haunts me regularly. In my life, I've met several women who had a string of abusive partners, and their ability to perceive threats became so skewed by their experience that I ultimately stopped having any kind of relationship with...

I think nuance, context, and desired outcome are all really crucial to knowing if a person is a predator or if their behavior is abusive. Similar (or even the same) behaviors done in different ways and for different reasons can be healthy or abusive. In terms of nuance and context, say I'm...

For me, it's shorthand for a group of bad behavior/psychological traits that make people who have them (and are in denial about having them) potentially abusive, coercive, and controlling. It's easier to say "Cluster Bs" than "people who are narcissistic, controlling, abusive, etc" Maybe...

Like LoveBunny said, I think a lot of us learn about them after we date or have our lives seriously disrupted by them. Or are raised by one of them, in my case. Two of my therapists independently came up with a possible diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder for my mom. One therapist I...

Also, based on the other posts I've read from people here, I don't think most of the people weighing in on this take it as a black-and-white "this is the only reality"-type thing. If I know someone is a Cluster B, and if gives me suggestions on how to deal with a Cluster B person, then I can try...

This is lazy of me, but work has been kicking my ass. The best place for a full update would be my blog. https://learningmanyloves.wordpress.com/2015/08/07/it-wasnt-nearly-as-bad-as-i-thought/ https://learningmanyloves.wordpress.com/2015/08/09/developments/...

I don't know if I'd call myself HSP, though I do also have a lot of the signs of it. I also found myself being targeted by the Cluster Bs (which I would consider Lora to be a part of). In general, the way that I got away from them was by keeping track of the things they said/did that concerned...

Thank you. It does feel really great. And it feels great to...ok, I don't want Lora to feel shitty. I genuinely feel bad that she is suffering. But I also feel strongly that the only person who can make that better is Lora herself, by starting to take responsibility for herself and her feelings...

We also worked out that if I had things I wanted to share with him after therapy, it's fine to let him know, and then he'll decide if he's able to go there with me that night, or if he needs a day or two to ready himself. I told him that I didn't think any therapy progress would ever require...

Cut and pasted from my blog: Jon and I talked yesterday evening about Lora's belongings and our general feelings. It was an illuminating talk that developed in a way that was somewhat relevant to exactly what we talked about. Jon was in the bedroom gaming while I was in the living room...

Wow. There's an awful lot of assumption going on over one particular statement. :confused: Why don't we all look at the sentence immediately before the one you're all quoting so enthusiastically: I would definitely welcome a relationship with an asexual, were I to meet an asexual and we...

I have mixed feeling on age in regards to dating in particular. As a long-time OKC user, I didn't originally discriminate about age. However, I dated a few guys who confessed to me on the 3rd (or later) date that they were significantly (5+ years) older than they stated on their profile...

No. My first poly relationship/poly partner was non-sexual with very little chance of either of us becoming sexually attracted to the other. The "just" in there, it is telling. Broadly, I think that depends on the people involved. If I remove sex from a relationship, that doesn't downgrade the...

If you close to make him happy, what happens if/when he meets someone again that he likes? If that's what you decide, I think that needs to be spelled out very clearly. Because if you want to be open on both sides, then it needs to actually be open on both sides.

((((((hugs)))))) Whatever is going on with him, it's about him. Not about you. You sound lovely and thoughtful and like you really thought through everything and didn't want him to be involved in an impossible situation. He sounds like he's on a bad-decision-making binge. Also, I am...

Tangential to what you're saying, nycindie, there was something that came up for me in therapy on Thursday, towards the end, that seemed pretty big. I was talking about whether or not I should tell Jon that the day he broke up with Lora, I was coming home to tell him that I couldn't live there...

Has anything major changed for the two of you lately? I'm not getting a read on your life situation or age, but work stress, or maybe a disappointment/something going not great in another part of your life, peri-menopause, or just realizing you're getting older, or some other kind of friction...

I agree with GG, and also wanted to add if he's doing emotionally manipulative things - guilt-tripping you, saying he's "forcing himself to change" to make you happy - I'd seriously considering breaking it off. Does he guilt trip you about other problems? Has that kind of behavior happened...

My take on it was that as long as it was confined to one room, fine. We're not all perfect. I've never been able to keep a perfectly clean house at all times. And at times when I'm feeling really emotionally fragile, sometimes I still do things like hoard my bed (lay things all over it until...