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Not even slightly offended. She is. I wrote a whole post about it back in January: https://learningmanyloves.wordpress.com/2015/01/26/the-monster-under-the-bed-and-between-the-bed-and-the-wall-and-under-the-desk-and-all-over-the-floor/ She kept it to the bedroom that was her main hang-out...

I am now very on the fence about telling him. I don't know. I keep going between how it's the only truly right thing to do, and how...I don't want to, because I'm being cowardly. As for Lora and her stuff, there is a hard date at the end of August (24th) that it's going to be out by, or it...

I've been wondering that myself. Which wouldn't make it OK, but Jon's a pretty tidy person, when it comes to things like that. Normally, if he uses my computer, he logs off after he uses his email. This is the first time that he hasn't. And, FTR, I'd forgotten, but I actually know his...

There's a thing I haven't spoken about here or anywhere else. There's a part in The Gift of Fear that I really resonate with. There are two brothers. One is a highly functioning, extremely successful person. He is asked by his brother "How did you become the person you are?". His response...

I did a very bad thing https://learningmanyloves.wordpress.com/2015/07/17/i-did-a-very-bad-thing/ It's still only a few hours after I did it. I still feel better that my feelings were validated that terrible at violating Jon's trust. Which doesn't mean I feel good. I just feel less sick...

Though getting back to the discussion on the word "marriage". I think the biggest problem would be that no matter what The Powers That Be decided in terms of who "gets" to use that word, and what word replaces it in whatever context, getting The Whole Wide World to agree and respect that...never...

Depends on where you grew up in the world. A friend of mine does AirBnB, and has had a number of youngish (in their early to mid 20s) people/couples from Europe (mostly France & Germany) who were completely stunned that if they (pale-skinned people) used the 'N' word here, they would get into...

Thank you, Leetah. I really like that link & I'm going to forward it to Jon.

Amen to that! It will take me awhile to get all her things in the little bedroom, but having that to do feels really good to me. I also realized something that I might not have articulated as well as I wanted in my last post. Lora's stock-in-trade has always been emotional manipulation. And I...

The biggest problem with me doing anything like that is that I'm currently physically unable to do anything even moderately strenuous. When I say that I'm cleaning things up, it's a really slow process that involves a lot of resting and careful movement. It's worth it, because it makes me feel...

Ok, for the record, I understand waiting a few days. That I get. Giving a little bit of time, enough to gather some energy or something. But weeks? That I don't get. I don't get how Jon has no idea when Lora is going to come get her toiletries and that isn't driving him nuts. It's driving me nuts.

You know, I also don't really emotionally understand this whole "It hurts, so let's wait until it hurts less to deal with it" thing that both Jon and Lora are doing. Not that I don't know other people who do that, or I think it's necessarily...a character flaw or something, it's just the exact...

Not trying to totally kill the whole idea, but this is a person who has zero savings, and doesn't have a driver's license, so is wholly dependent on public transit, renting movers, or her mom (who is a medical professional and works odd/rotating hours/days). Jon told me recently that he...

Sadly no. It's one of those little square ones that's like a small, um, what is the word? Room for when you come in from the cold/heat, to limit the air exchange between the home and the outside. The three of us coming home from the grocery store with groceries and all fitting in it with the...

There are two issues with assuming the scorched earth tactic from Lora. One is, to YouAreHere's point, I genuinely don't feel in my gut that she's destroy any property or trash anything. I definitely don't think she'd do so while her belongings are here, and it sounds pretty certain at this...

No it's good. Part of why I'm here is to read what other people say and think. Suggestions are always welcome. I've heard that The Gift of Fear is really good. I'm going to put that at the top of my reading list. When I think about Lora coming herself to pack up her stuff, what I feel mainly...

Yeah. We haven't worked all those details out yet (which drives me slightly nuts), but if say, she came and packed up what was staying with her, and then her mom came and separately picked up the rest of her stuff to take back to her mom's place, then I would insist someone be there (and be...

Hmmm...at the least, I will definitely talk to him about how she's no longer living with us, and how she should only be around to get her stuff. He and his family are around pretty much all the time, so they'd be the first defense if she tries any funny business. Luckily, there is no chance of...

I wonder that regularly myself (and to nycindie's point, things like her sneaking in to sleep in Jon's bed, or doing other screwy shit). I think one thing that would stop her is the cats. Two of our cats are co-owned by her and Jon, though it seems pretty clear that she won't be able to take...

The outer lock to our place (we have a little vestibule) is one of those special keys that you have to have a special card to get copies of, so I feel pretty certain that she wouldn't be able to copy that one (AND, it would be really expensive to change). The inner key she could copy...I would...