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Yet you say it's unlikely to happen.

Can you clarify your question, please? What does it mean "comes into this situation"?

It's very new. So I assume the guy is precessing, it just happened to be with gf first. I think you're jumping the gun thinking about how this could work if she getting back with him, moving in or whatever. He hasn't made up his mind yet. Since he told, you can also tell him how you see the...

Still, if your wife doesn't want to do just group sex and you consider the transition to poly-type agreements, you're totally welcome :) I'd like to add that making your wife meet someone on her own first if it's only group sex that's on offer doesn't seem like a good idea to me. If she can't...

Non-monogamy is not cheat-proof, people can cheat on their ENM agreements. Maybe it's not an unforgivable big life-breaking thing, like for some monogamous couples, but it is totally a breach of trust. Stop contact with random date dude. In fact, stop all non-monogamous activities for now. Take...

I don't think it's an issue to have a younger lover. (Although I admit gender bias here. I'd be way more worried about a 20-yr old girl.) But I do think it makes things more risky in terms of family life. I don't see him as a kid. He could be a capable adult. But deliberately call him 'lover,'...

Did you mention Leo already has a family of his own too, or was that a typo?

Yeah, but it backfired. Just calling would have been less intrusive in any scenario I can imagine. :) If I was your wife, I'd be furious, no matter other circumstances. But most people don't have house cameras and aren't used to checking them. Maybe it's less of an issue because you just both do...

Sorry, I must be dumb. What's the exact concern about kids again? As far as I understand, nothing sexual was going on, so the worry is they might THINK something sexual was going on? Or like giving a bad example, because men and women should not go to the same bathroom unless they are married...

Great, you seem on the same page after all. It's a choice, and definitely not a bad one, to discuss boundaries together! Requesting a meeting from the position of the established partner can sometimes be tricky, because depending on the motivations and how they are communicated, it might come...

I think this is a confusion, Ariakas must be using solo poly slightly differently than it's usually used...? I thought solo poly are mostly people who do poly-date but don't jump on escalators. He must mean something akin to poly-saturated at one ("solo" analogous to a "single" mono person...

Our V has now existed for a decade. I probably don't really count as a mono person, since I'm totally able to have a crush and lately I venture on kink adventures, but I still am very closely bound to Idealist and there have been many years when I was mono while Idealist had another partner. I...

Hmm, yeah, ok. So he wants poly. Question remains, even if you accept this emotionally (and I do think it's possible under certain conditions), is he prepared to deal with some of its limitations? Do you have any poly friends you could talk to in person? Or a local poly group? I always advocate...

Could he "be" poly and not date? Maybe that's what he's been doing for the past decade ;) There's a grey zone between mono and poly. You could see if you'd see any of the following acceptable (I just made up the labels). Mono, but no taboo. Partners don't date, but attraction to others is...

It's a balancing act. If you two are are in agreement on being a primary couple and want to only fluid-bond with each other, you can do that. Just keep in mind its an example of what we call couple privilege. Outside relationships may grow in depth to a point where being forever the one that has...

To me it seems there is some room for compromise. She's already making an effort to meet you sexually, even if it's on a schedule and not perfectly what you imagine, and if she accepts that sexless is a dealbreaker for you, she'll have to continue her effort during her NRE phase. Meanwhile you...

I don't think this situation is really telling about your comfort level with polyamory in general. It says you want more from this man - or from a relationship in general - than he is able to give. It's natural to feel rejected if expectations differ this much :( You seem to indicate you'd be...

This could be a misunderstanding in many, many ways. She's met him, she told him she's interested. Doesn't mean she intends to ignore your timeline. He could tell her "I might be interested too, but let's get to know each other better/do STD testing." I would not be shocked by the mere...

Just talk to him. Tell him these would make you feel safe. See if there's conflict at all. Think about which are hard boundaries (non-negotiable dealbreakers) vs. soft boundaries (negotiable depending on circumstances).

Welcome to the forum, and sorry this is a hard time for you :( A long time ago, it probably was you. We call it New Relationship Energy, and it's a firework of hormones and excitement. It settles down somewhat after several months, but only fully transitions into long-term partner love after...