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One thing that popped out to me is the lack of clarity in your communication. There is so much unsaid and assumptions made on both sides. This alone would be a great reason for therapy. Therapists aren't there to take sides and tell you what you are doing wrong. They are teachers. They teach you...

It sounds to me like you are monogamous and want to be in a monogamous relationship. You are doing poly just to stay with your wife. You wouldn't choose poly for yourself or if you weren't with her. I've never seen where this incompatibility worked. When things got really hard,you chose DADT...

Yes. It's about the bilateral movement. Walking is like the "lite" version, but it is still effective for processing everyday stressors. I wouldn't use walking for something like trauma. For me, I walked a lot in the beginning of my poly journey and it helped me process a lot. Even walking while...

It helps me to think while taking a walk. The left/right is a type of EMDR that helps you process. Then go home and write a letter, not email or text, then wait until the emotions have settled. It may be 24 hours or more, then read what you wrote and reevaluate if that's what/how you want to say...

That happens. I'm happy you both see that and are both supportive in going your separate ways while coparenting. It sounds like you are working things out the best way you can.

Only you can answer if that sacrifice will work for you. My personal experience has shown me that when I cannot be my authentic self, I start to resent my partner. The thoughts your partner has about you will pop into your head about her. If she loved me she wouldn't want to change me. She'd...

I do quick video meets when my partner is Facetiming with any new partner. He will just say, "Hey, this is Sally. Want to say hi?" And I'll say "Hi, nice to meet you. I'm going to do dishes now, so you two can do whatever you are doing." To me, that's enough. Everyone will feel differently.

All of this! OP, The love bombing was the first BIG red flag. I know it feels good and makes you feel special but if you get this in the future, RUN!!! It's the red flag with emphasis. Do not continue with a love bomber. It always ends in abuse and emotional harm.

Penises aren't something you can control. Try to stop trying to make things happen. The more you "try," the less it will happen. The psychology of erections is real. Penis owners, as well as those who are intimate with penis owners, need to understand that it's okay when things choose not to...

Yeah, it's very different being the one watching it happen with a partner. If my partner cannot check their NRE around me I'd have a big issue with that.

These are the reasons why I won't be around people with BPD. It's harmful to me. I've chosen to not allow that in my life. It's as bad as being with an addict. It's codependency that kills you slowly. I understand where you are at. I've been there. You will stay until you've been so broken you...

I have a love-hate relationship with the NRE. I love the energy and excitement that it gives me, and I hate the anxiety and stress within my body that it makes me feel

This is such a tough position to be in. It's also a challenge for polyamory as a whole. On the one hand, you are poly. That means she gets to have relationships with whomever she wants. Just because you don't like her choices doesn't mean she sees him the same way. Things you deem important in...

I'm glad you met him. I know it's hard, but I find meeting metas actually isn't as bad as my mind creates. Seeing them and acknowledging each other is almost always a good thing. Yes, this is all normal. You are doing great at thinking outside of your feelings. Mistakes will happen. Try to...

The intimacy that can come from very vulnerable, open conversations where you truly listen and understand each other is stark. Polyamory gave me that. I don't know your future. Polyamory or monogamy, if you two can be so open to discuss your most vulnerable thoughts and feelings with...

I have had as many as 4 partners at once. Each relationship stands on its own and develops at their own rates. You may become closer to some than others. If you are looking for representation other than a V, you can have a Y or X or even * where you are in the middle with each relationship as a...

That's a good catch. She should have kept that thought to herself, but you catching yours was showing you are learning to think things out instead of reacting. This is part of "the work" that needs to be done in polyamory. Yes. The more experience you have with thinking through situations like...

For me, family members are on my messy list, and would not be okay, in the slightest. If things go bad, your family will always be family... there's no getting away. And your relationship with your cousin would be forever changed. Just say no.

Part of NRE has to be ridden out. That being said, it's up to your partner to listen and recognize that their behavior has changed and do the work to ensure you feel loved. They are also responsible for taking care of their responsibilities, kids, chores and you. So speak up. Let her know how...

There's so much here, so let me repeat what jumped out to me. You are 65, so in your prime retirement years. Your faith is strong, but you didn't say if you are religious and how that might add or take away from your experience. Many religions would not find this acceptable. Are you seeking...