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(Similar to Evie) Focus on what you need from your relationship, not on what your metamour is getting.

A trial separation [for a defined period of time] sounds more and more reasonable. Leo is not in your face all the time and you can both wait and see whether her desire reemerges or not.

I'd never assume a spouse is doing "coordinated effort to push [...] to the breaking point." There are few pathological personalities who do that. Most people don't mean to do malice - they may do all sorts of sketchy or hurtful things to their spouse because they lack skills or capacity to...

It's obviously not wise of her to separate/divorce because of a youngling she's been dating for three months, unfortunately, it looks different from lostinlove's perspective :/ She's shifted her attention entirely, stopped sharing intimacy, stopped communicating the practicalities, doing lies of...

To add on top of what has been said, it's normal to feel jealousy. It's not like poly people are automatically jealousy free. Notice the situations when jealousy arises - they usually point towards a need. Often when the need is met, jealousy subsides. My jealousy is usually envy. I have much...

I'm afraid if you divorce and split childcare, you no longer get a say in who enters the kids' life on her side. I.e., should they live together, there's no other way, logistically, than him becoming a third parent.

Both and neither. It's just an outlook on life I'm not used to. I mean, it would not be so surprising if it were a one-time happening, but "repaired numerous relationships" sounds like you were seeking this dynamic out. Which is hard to grasp because for me, it would be such a bad fit. But I...

I'm not judging you, I'm just really surprised :D

Enjoy :) It's really important to focus on what you need, not on what your metamour gets. The number of visits would not matter, if your homelife was working. Always ask yourself "how would I react if she was spending this amount of time with an intense new hobby?" That's a good reality check...

I've been a little off in my previous post because I didn't realize your wife's love interest is a woman (that probably does change the dynamics a little), and just generally because I was reluctant to read small font. (Please don't do walls of small font to me O:)) Yes, as I said, NRE can...

Couples seeking "a third" are actually very common, but for good reasons, there are few people who'd date an established couple. There's yet another discussion on that topic right now: https://polyamory.com/threads/what-are-the-signs-that-poly-is-not-for-you.159630/page-3#post-524054

You will have to indeed talk to your partner. I still see this triad requirement as way more problematic than any variation of OPP you could have in your particular case - not only because of general ethical principles (we talked about how couple privilege is often harmful to the "third"), but...

Sigh. People should not just call themselves "poly" just because they fell in love while in a monogamous relationship :( It's unfair to everyone to treat it on par with a sexual orientation just because you suddenly discovered that being in a relationship and experiencing a crush (or "true...

Valid concern (with a bit of overthinking). Take it at face value: Your partner has cheated before, and has no problem dating cheaters. He just does not uphold the same ethical standard you do. He's not the only person in the world who's kinda accepting of cheating. I've even seen a cheating...

We call this "one penis policy" and some (most) polyamorists find it unethical, at least if the man dates women himself, because there's a fundamental unfairness in him being able to choose whatever partner he prefers while she isn't allowed full freedom of choice - which can backfire after a...

I just opened your blog after quite some time. A stroke! You're such a fighter, staying active with fairs and shows after all those health issues. Wishing you good luck from the other side of the world :)

I don't like this whole mix. Addiction, cheating, ultimatum. No wonder you want him to cut off his past lovers and be a better person. Thing is, you can't change him. ----- The "no past lovers" rule isn't working for him. It's unclear why you made such a broad agreement, so you might be able...

So, uhm, what ARE your reasons for the "no past lovers" boundary/demand? Is this in fact a conflict about this specific person, or not? Do you or your partner currently have any other partners, or previous polyamorous experience, or are you coming as newbies?

Exactly. If you do jump in a few times, you might find your engagement with other people's affairs didn't help anything. It just made one more person (you) all agitated.

I think with experience, you may find out that knowing the details of your partners' fights is really neither interesting nor helpful. At least that was my journey. If it was a one-time thing and not repetitive fights, depending on the situation, the level of sharing might differ.