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Hi, I hear that you are surprised and feeling overwhelmed at your first date since you were married. If you think about it, that's not really that surprising. How many married people get to date someone new? Of course it's exciting. My only advice is to make sure you are clear on the...

Hi Veda, Doesn't sound like polyamory to me. My impression of polyamory is that it is non monogamy with the consent of all parties involved. Many things here happening without consent or agreement. Your story sounds so sad that I thought I'd try to give you something to smile at. Hope my...

Heya, What an emotionally confusing situation. You're bi/pan queer and have polyed before. This makes you someone who has probably been judged by society for a great many 'sexually deviant' acts or morals and you've (presumably) just said "I don't care" or "bisexuality and polyamory are...

Don't know if it will help. My wife found the concept of limerence helpful in explaining her recurrent attractions o men over the last 10 years. My wife and I are mono though, so I sometimes tend to have a bias in looking at new romantic love as something that can be dangerous (you know, coz...

I read somewhere about a genital theory of sexual attraction. The polty-friendly article pointed out the fallacy of mononormativity when we assume that the person whom we are genitally attracted to is also supposed to be most compatible with us friendship wise, intellectually, philosophically...

Thanks for clarifying Jane. My wording was sloppy. Cheers, Shaya.

Hi, I hear you saying you would like a backup birth control method in case the condom fails. Furthermore, you don't want a hormonal method and you don't want an IUD. I'm not sure what hormonal method you tried in the past. I think you can have an oestrogen and progesterone pill of varying...

Hi, I think Kevin said what I wanted to say, and did so much more succinctly than I ever could. Essentially, you see him (relationship wise) in a different light to how he sees you. You're hurt because you suspect he is having some kind of interaction with another woman that you don't know...

Hi, Ester Perrel, a marriage counsellor and psychologist said something in a TED talk that moved me greatly. She said that in her relationship counselling job, she often sees couples come in and saying, "I'm not getting what I want in this relationship." She turns the tables by asking them what...

Hi again, You seem to have good insight into the situation, but finding it difficult to keep the NRE that you feel for the other man in check. I presume your husband is struggling with the same. I don't have any real advice. For me, understanding my emotions or knowing the reason why I'm...

Hey, Sorry you're hurting, man. I don't think you misinterpreted anything. Your ex sounds like she feels guilt or shame. She cheated, she knows she did and when you confront her about it, her guilt or shame makes her deny it. When she says she can't trust you, I'm willing to bet you said that...

Hey Nettle, glad to hear things are making more sense to you. I'm surprised you hadn't thought about NRE. I don't know if your husband is feeling jealous, but NRE and jealousy can pull an original couple apart in different directions as you transition to polyamory. If you've never given this...

Hi Cam, You sound like you're in an awful situation. It sounds like you're struggling to keep your relationship together with 4 children and pets on the line, whilst trying to accomodate your partner's desires in all of this, and trying to accept affairs as part of normal life. After all, both...

The sense of urgency you feel sounds like a side effect of NRE (new relationship energy). It's an amazing feeling with both physical and psychological roots. As humans, we are somehow wired to strive to obtain anything that gives us more pleasure (for example, street drugs) and only the...

Hi there, I'm quite new here myself, but you sound like one of the healthiest people I have heard of trying to transition to poly. You even acknowledge that you probably won't do poly with the person you have in mind currently, you are aware of childhood traumas and the impact this may have on...

Would you consider giving yourself a year to think about things and to see if your husband has a change of mind during that time? Also, does the new boyfriend support polyamory, or does he still want monogamy with you as he did all those years ago?

What are his reasons for not wanting marriage counselling? I'm not usually one to suggest ultimatums, but you would be within your right to say "this is not working for me. I can offer to try polyamory if you will try marriage counselling. Otherwise, I will need a divorce." Wishing you the...

Hi zeggplant I've enjoyed the evolution of your thread and your thoughts. You've really taken the time to get to know yourself. I had one small comment to make regarding the flirting. Flirting can mean different things to different people. Infidelity also men different things to different...

It seems animal ethics is still in evolution. As a society, we don't seem to be either consistent or correct in how we apply ethics to animals or ethics to our interactions with them. I am uncertain what the future will hold but I suspect there will be progress and more clarity. With regards to...

Hi. A warm welcome to the forums. I'm relatively new myself but I've often found that the more senior members here often offer great advice. If you're new to non monogamy and wish for restrictions like "don't fall in love", I'd consider a model of consensual non monogamy that isn't polyamory...